


there you go again (making me love you)

by leleluvclub (starryeyedpjm)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Underage Drinking, like a lot of it SORRY, they're all girls! yay!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25217746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeyedpjm/pseuds/leleluvclub
Summary: Rules for Surviving High School, a list by Donghyuck Lee1. Eat in the cafeteria as little as possible. Bring hand sanitizer and wet wipes.2. Stick with your friends. They know you best.3. Do not interact with Jaemin Na.4.Never break rule number three.(or, the one where Donghyuck gets roped into tutoring her worst enemy.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok hi! wow so i started writing this back in nov of 2018 i think? based on a convo i and another anon had w [idolrapper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idolrapper/pseuds/idolrapper) in her cc. it was basically hs lesbian nahyuck aesthetics + how they’d act at a party. as you can see i...may have expanded on that. whoops!  
> after that, sam [(neocitz)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocitz) helped me birth this and has been cheering me on along the way. i can’t thank her enough.  
> i also wanna shout out vivi [(thereisnoreality)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnoreality/pseuds/thereisnoreality) and darian [(bigcaratfool)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigcaratfool/pseuds/bigcaratfool) who looked thru it and gave me advice! and of course kerrie [(jaexings)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaexings) who basically held my hand thru the completion of this fic LOL, accidentally beta-ing for me and giving me so much help. i couldn’t have posted this without her honestly ♡ thank you guys so much, and thank you to everyone who encouraged me to write and post this.  
> everything is SOOO cliché, which is on purpose. imagine ur fave chick flicks during this, but make them gay! :D that’s the vibe i went for hehe  
> this fic is my baby and i hope i do the dreamies justice. hope u enjoy! ^—^ 
> 
> also, just a note, everything is super americanized bc it’s based on where i grew up/went to school in wisconsin lol so sorry if it feels a bit weird T—T

Donghyuck is sat at her desk for all of three minutes before a familiar pair of jeans seat themselves on the desktop. She looks up, sighing. 

“What do you want, Jaemin?”

Jaemin flashes a smile and flips her (stupidly well-maintained) hair over her shoulder. It’s glossy and partly pulled back by a barette, making her look like the mean girl from a high school chick-flick. 

“Aw, Hyuckie,” she drawls, “I thought you’d be happier to see me!” When Donghyuck raises a brow in response, she drops the act. “Okay, fine. I have a proposition for you.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Jaemin frowns. “A proposition. An offer? God, I knew you weren’t bright but this is—I mean, I wanna make a deal with you, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck refrains from reminding Jaemin that she had—contrary to popular belief—passed freshman year of English, and squints instead, gesturing for her to continue. 

Jaemin examines her (stupidly well-manicured) nails and says, “So I know you’re hella good at chemistry, and much as it pains me to admit it, I need some help.” _Snort._ Donghyuck withers at the immediate glare she gets. “So I was thinking, why don’t you tutor me?”

“And why the fuck would I do that?”

 _“Because,”_ Jaemin leans forward, eyes glinting and grin wicked, “I can guarantee you an invitation to every major party from now until the year’s end.” She looks so smug it’s almost sickening.

And, fuck, yes, the idea sounds exciting, but Donghyuck refuses to relent. What kind of coming-of-age movie plot bullshit was Jaemin trying to rope her into, anyway? 

“Okay, well, you suck at making deals. Why would I willingly surround myself with people like you and your friends? Come on.”

Jaemin rolls her eyes, finally leaning away from Donghyuck. “Yea, don’t try and bullshit me. I know you’ve had a thing for Yukhei since freshman year, and I know you know she’ll be at every single one. That gives you at least as many chances to ask her out, if you’ve got the guts.” 

There’s that grin again. 

Donghyuck flushes and jerks back as though electrocuted. “How did you find ou—I didn’t—how do you know that?”

Jaemin’s grin widens and she winks. “Don’t worry, babe, I have my ways. Yukhei won’t find out from me.” Hopping off the desk and dusting off her (stupidly, _stupidly_ well-fitting) jeans, she turns back around to face Donghyuck. “Hand me your phone.” 

Without even thinking, Donghyuck reaches into her jacket pocket and hands her phone to Jaemin, which, _what?_ What the fuck compelled her to do that? No use trying to figure it out—Jaemin just has that effect on people, like a witch. Or something. (Now she’s rambling in her own thoughts. Stupid Jaemin.)

Jaemin presses the screen a few times and types something in. “Here, now you have my number, and I texted myself. Lemme know when you wanna meet up!” She tosses the phone back to Donghyuck and whirls around with one last wink. “ _Bye_ , Hyuckie!”

Donghyuck splutters, almost dropping her phone, “I never even said yes?” Looking down at her phone screen, she can’t help but sigh when she sees what Jaemin saved herself as: ‘Jaeminie,’ with enough heart emojis to give Donghyuck a headache. How fitting. 

(Stupid, _stupid_ Jaemin.)

✿

“So let me get this straight,” Renjun starts, the bridge of her nose pinched between her fingers. “You, who have literally called Jaemin your arch-nemesis—to her face, I might add—are going to tutor her in chemistry. Like, willingly?” At Donghyuck’s tiny nod, she lowers her voice. “Are you being blackmailed or something?”

Donghyuck chokes on a laugh. “What? Renjun, no. She sort of...well, okay, I didn’t actually say yes at first, she kind of decided that by herself. But I thought it over, and she...made a good offer?” It sounds unconvincing even to her own ears and the face Renjun makes isn’t surprising. 

Mark snorts and reaches to her right to pluck a few fries from Jisung’s tray, ignoring the girl’s protests. “You teach her basically an entire subject, get to follow her around at a few parties, and maybe get drunk for free. That’s your idea of a good offer?” She grabs a few more fries and grins when Jisung starts whining. 

Donghyuck scowls, “Well I was gonna see if you guys wanted to come with but since it’s such a stupid idea—”

“No!” Jisung says, a little too loudly for the small table. She shrinks into herself, eyes wide as she apologizes to a couple of people around them. More softly she asks, “You’d bring m—us, with?”

Donghyuck softens. “I mean, I’m not going in _alone_.” She purses her lips, considering. “Besides, I might need someone to...wingman for me.” Oh god, she cringes, looking down at her plate. 

A chorus of _ooohs_ erupts around the table, Renjun snickering as Mark pumps her fist in the air. Jisung frowns as she searches the others’ faces for a clue. 

“Mark, what does that mean? Does Hyuck like someone?” she asks, shaking the other’s shoulder. Renjun laughs so hard she snorts. “ _Mark—”_

Donghyuck watches Mark open her mouth and—with _incredible_ discretion, really, her mother would be proud—kicks her shin under the table. Mark squawks and shoots her a wounded look, closing her mouth in understanding. 

“Yea, so, once I get the details for the next party, I’ll text the groupchat,” Donghyuck says, playing with the veggies on her plate and ignoring Jisung’s confused noises. “I probably just have to survive a study da—session. First. You know.” 

When Donghyuck looks back up, Renjun is staring at her, an unreadable expression on her face. Next to her, Mark has acquired a pile of fries too large to be her own, or Jisung’s. 

Donghyuck raises her brows in question, but Renjun shrugs and turns back to the rest of the table. _It’s never good when she does that_ , Donghyuck thinks. She can read people too well for a look like that to not mean trouble. 

“Oh, has anyone seen Jeno Lee?” Mark asks, ruffling through her backpack. Renjun bristles in response, shifting in her seat. 

“Why exactly?”

Not noticing Renjun’s clipped tone, Mark continues, “She left her notebook in bio today and took _super_ detailed notes, I figure she needs it back ASAP. Oh shit, you see her next hour right? Can you give it to her?” Donghyuck can almost see the internal battle Renjun is having and stifles a laugh. Mark makes a quiet noise and nudges Renjun with the notebook. “C’mon babe, all you have to do is drop it on her desk, no talking necessary, it’ll be fine.” 

Renjun rolls her eyes and stuffs the notebook into her backpack. “Fine. No talking necessary.” _Weak_ , Donghyuck thinks, and gets a kick to her own shin like Renjun is a fucking mind reader or something.

“Mark, _stop_ taking my fries!”

✿

It’s 3pm and Donghyuck can’t wait for the day to be over. 

Her first study session with Jaemin is today and after a short conversation over text—Donghyuck was right, Jaemin uses more emoticons than one person should have access to—they’d decided on the library as a place to meet. 

Her friends (read: Renjun) were less than enthusiastic about the whole thing (“Look, the odds of Jaemin trying to murder you in a public place are low, but never zero!”), but Donghyuck figures she might as well get this over with. 

She keeps glancing at the time on her phone as five, and then ten, and then fifteen minutes pass. A dull wave of panic starts to seep in as old memories resurface and damn, Donghyuck really thought she’d gotten past this. She’s considering just getting up and leaving when the door to the library bursts open and Jaemin rushes in, looking frazzled. She holds her hands up in apology to the other students milling about and heads over to Donghyuck. 

“Sorry, I know I’m late, I just got caught up in something,” Jaemin sighs as she sits down next to Donghyuck, placing her backpack on the table. She starts ruffling through it for her homework, muttering under her breath. She makes a triumphant noise a few seconds later and places a few stray sheets of paper on the table in front of her. 

Donghyuck snorts at her words and turns back towards the table, lip curling. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” she says quietly, ignoring the way Jaemin’s brows shoot up. “Let’s get started. What am I teaching you?”

Jaemin thinks for a second. “Probably stoichiometry? I’m pretty sure it was designed in a lab specifically to torture me.” 

Donghyuck lets out a startled laugh. “Oh, come on, it’s not that bad, it’s just math,” she says, rolling her eyes. Jaemin leans closer as the corners of her mouth tick up. 

“Exactly? When have I ever been good at math? Some scientists out there are laughing at me right now, I swear to god.” 

Donghyuck backs away from Jaemin and pretends not to see her face fall. 

In a split second, Jaemin is grinning again, and it almost doesn’t look forced. She’s always been too expressive for her own good. “Good thing I have my own personal pocket nerd with me,” Jaemin continues, nudging Donghyuck with her elbow. 

Donghyuck gives her a look and pulls the worksheet closer to her, studying it. “Jesus,” she winces. “Yea, good thing, cause you’re gonna need it. Lemme get my notes and I’ll show you what you need to correct.”

About two chapters and twelve practice questions later, Donghyuck is beginning to regret this whole arrangement. She didn’t realize how difficult Jaemin Na would be to work with. How in the hell did she become vice president again? 

First, the whining—okay, she already knew about that, but still. Then, the lack of any sort of attention span. What kind of person takes a twenty minute break to repaint her nails, claiming it was _good for her sense of focus_ —

“Listen. All you need to do is answer the rest of the practice questions and we can be done for the day, okay? That’s all.” Donghyuck massages her temples and mentally begs anyone who’s listening for patience. _You can do this, Lee. Just imagine you’re helping literally anyone else._

“Ugh, god, they’re so complicated though. Can’t we just quit now? I’ll even buy dinner, and we can talk about your game plan!”

“My—what the fuck are you talking about,” Donghyuck deadpans. 

Jaemin rolls her eyes and stretches her arms above her head. Donghyuck pointedly ignores the stripe of skin revealed by her shirt riding up. Wow, brain. That was a weird thought. Okay. 

“Y’know,” Jaemin says, like Donghyuck is stupid. “Your plan? To woo Yukhei? Oh, god, please don’t tell me you were going to just walk up to her and ask her out, out of nowhere. I know she’s friendly but you guys aren’t _friends_.”

And like, Donghyuck knows this, has known it for a while. It doesn’t make it any easier to hear how far removed she is from the people surrounding Jaemin, though. 

She shifts a little in her seat, clearing her throat. “I’m not trying to _woo_ her, you fucking weirdo. I just want to...approach her. Maybe.” Why are her palms sweating? Jaemin always knows exactly how to get under her skin. 

Jaemin grins and props her chin on her hands. Donghyuck _really_ doesn’t like the glint in her eyes. “You wanna approach her? I’m here to give you tips. Let’s start with the fact that your current look sucks, shall we?” She ignores Donghyuck’s indignant spluttering and continues, “You clearly have a thing for shitty dye jobs and clothes that don’t fit.”

Donghyuck runs her hand through her hair, frowning. She thought she’d done a decent job of dyeing it red this time round, and Mark and Renjun hadn’t said anything. She very much ignores the voice in the back of her head asking why she cares what Jaemin has to say about it, because she _doesn’t_ , thank you. Donghyuck isn’t sure if this is even helping, and Jaemin should definitely be finishing her homework, but she can’t deny that she’s curious. 

“So what...is Yukhei’s type, exactly? I mean, since you’re such an expert.”

Something flickers in Jaemin’s eyes that Donghyuck isn’t quick enough to catch, but she’s grinning wickedly soon enough. Donghyuck’s breath hitches, almost afraid of what’s going through the other’s head. 

“You’re so lucky to have me, sweets.”

✿

“Jun, catch!”

Donghyuck launches herself onto the bed and, by extension, Renjun, who’s laid out and trying to finish homework. A tiny _oof_ sounds from underneath Donghyuck. 

“Fuck, get _off_ me, Hyuck,” Renjun protests, her chest and physics notes equally crushed. “I’m working on stuff here, why are your elbows so sharp?” Donghyuck laughs as she scoots over on the bed, leaving room for Jisung, trailing in behind her. 

“We brought food!” Jisung chimes in, brandishing a couple of takeout bags. “Where’s Mark? Thought she was meeting us.”

At the mention of her girlfriend, Renjun scowls and crosses her arms, leaning back more securely into the pile of pillows on her bed. “Markus has decided to spend her evening on a study date. A study _date_ , she called it—to my face—and didn’t see an issue with it.” 

Donghyuck rolls her eyes and grabs at Jisung as the other sits down. Jisung goes, flailing a bit, before settling under Donghyuck’s arm, passing Renjun a container of fries. Renjun’s face softens as she takes them with a quiet _thanks, Sungie._

Donghyuck nudges Renjun and says, “Why don’t you tell us what’s actually wrong, babe? We all know you’re not that insecure about Mark.” She knows she’s hit the nail on the head when Renjun’s face scrunches up. 

Renjun huffs, grabbing a stuffed bear and settling it into her lap. “Of course I’m not, I trust her more than anything. I just think it would’ve been nice to know before the end of the school day that Mark was gonna be getting into Jeno Lee’s car instead of, I dunno, her actual girlfriend’s. Not that she has to tell me all her plans!” Renjun adds quickly, looking back at Donghyuck. “It’s just. It’s Friday, we have a routine. We all do.” 

Jisung reaches across Donghyuck’s lap to pat at Renjun’s arm gently. “Want me to get Taeyong to yell at her?” 

Donghyuck snorts, inwardly wincing. Taeyong is like a dorky older sister to all of them but that doesn’t stop her from being terrifying when she wants to. 

Renjun shakes her head, probably having the same thought. “Nah, thanks, Sung. I’ll let you know if I need the powers that be, though.” Jisung grins, satisfied. “Speaking of Taeyong though...I learned something interesting the other day.” 

Jisung is no longer smiling, fear creeping into her expression. 

Donghyuck pipes up, “Oh, oh, is this about what she sent to the groupchat? Are we allowed to talk about that now?” 

Renjun shrugs. Johnny and Taeyong’s warnings of _don’t let this leave the gc_ were usually more like suggestions to her, anyway. 

Jisung sputters. “You’re in a groupchat with my older sister?” She looks mortified. Renjun laughs and starts choking on a couple fries. Jisung dutifully tosses her a half empty water bottle from the bedside table, despite the growing confusion in her eyes. 

“Yea, I mean, Taeyong’s in it. So are Mark, Johnny, Sicheng, Dongyoung...am I forgetting anyone?” 

“Johnny added Kun last month, she just never says anything. And I think Ten muted us weeks ago, but she’s there too. It’s really just a Jisung protection squad type chat.” 

Jisung lets out a wail. 

“Anyway,” Renjun continues, “Taeyong sent a picture to the chat earlier this week. Of a certain someone being dropped off at her house by another certain someone?” Another, weaker wail. 

Donghyuck laughs at the girl trying to burrow further under her arm. “Give it to us straight, Park. Did you, or did you not get a ride home from Chenle Zhong on Tuesday?” 

At Jisung’s weak nod, face hidden, Donghyuck and Renjun cheer.

Donghyuck teases her, “Jisung and Chenle, sitting in a tree, k-is-s—ow, _why!”_

Jisung’s face is worryingly red by this point, half hidden in the collar of her sweater. “She did, but she was just being nice. Please, _please_ , don’t make this a thing.” Donghyuck opens her mouth to speak again and Jisung points at her. “You especially don’t get to make this a thing.” Huh. 

“Excuse me?”

Renjun gives Jisung a look that Donghyuck can’t quite figure out, and Jisung rolls her eyes. “I’m just saying, all this time you spend meeting and texting with Jaemin, it looks like _you_ guys are a thing,” Jisung says. 

Donghyuck squawks unattractively, watching as Renjun leans over her to slap Jisung on the arm. 

“Jisung!” she says. “We talked about this.”

“ _You’ve talked about this?”_ Donghyuck’s voice keeps climbing. What the fuck. 

Renjun shakes her head, shooing the question away. “No, we’re moving on. If I don’t get a chicken sandwich in my hand in the next five seconds, I swear to god I’ll eat you.”

✿

It’s right before their sixth study session that Jaemin asks Donghyuck if she’d rather come to her house than the library. Donghyuck agrees, pushing down the uneasy feeling in her stomach. It’s not a big deal, she tells herself. She’s been in tons of people’s houses. The tiny voice in her head reappears, reminding her how long it’s been since she was last at Jaemin’s. She tells it to shut up. 

“I figured it’d be easier to focus if we’re away from people,” Jaemin explains as they walk towards the parking lot. “ _Intimate_ and all that.” She smirks at Donghyuck. Donghyuck promptly chokes on her spit. 

“Right, yea. Of course.” What the fuck.

Silence follows as they get into Jaemin’s car. It’s small but comfortable, and Jaemin’s got a tiny strawberry on a chain hanging from the rearview mirror. Donghyuck’s heart cracks a little as she realizes where it’s from. 

“You care if I turn on the radio?”

Donghyuck is startled out of her thoughts by the question, nodding at Jaemin in response. “Go ahead.”

The soft sounds of some pop song keep the silence from being unbearable, but just barely. Donghyuck taps her fingers on her thigh, easily following a rhythm she thought she’d forgotten. 

It’s the middle of fall, but Donghyuck thinks she’s sweating; this is the first time they’ve been completely by themselves since this all started. She has the sudden urge to pull her eyes from the clock on the dashboard and glance at Jaemin—an urge she should definitely resist, but when has she ever made smart choices?

Jaemin’s hair is tied out of her face like usual, which is so, so inconvenient for Donghyuck, who can’t help but map the curve of her jaw, the swell of her lips, her nose, her cheeks. She can’t help but watch the way Jaemin’s mouth moves as she sings along softly with the radio. And god, if only she could stop looking at the way Jaemin grips the steering wheel with one hand. Jaemin looks—

Donghyuck doesn’t understand the feeling in the pit of her stomach and doesn’t want to. She eventually tears her eyes away from the other girl and opts to stare out the window instead. The multicolor leaves are a welcome change of pace, her mind racing. Maybe Renjun was right, maybe it was a bad idea to start tutoring Jaemin after all. 

They’re both quiet as they pull into the driveway to Jaemin’s house. There aren’t any other cars but Donghyuck doesn’t comment. It’s not her business anyway, not anymore. 

It’s as silent as she expected when they enter the house, the air almost unmoving. The blues and whites of the walls and furniture lend a sort of sterile atmosphere and Donghyuck’s heart starts to sink. What happened to the clunky photo frames and giant clock? All of the pictures of Jaemin’s family seem to be missing and the place is almost too clean. They slip their shoes off by the door and pad through the living room to the hall. 

“We can study in my room,” Jaemin sighs, sounding more exhausted than she has all day. “Are you hungry? We’ve got like, snacks and stuff, if you want.”

“Oh,” Donghyuck starts, “I’m fine. We can just, go to your room, it’s fine.” 

It’s not fine, and Donghyuck feels a deep sense of discomfort already, chest aching the slightest bit, but what is she supposed to say? Her opinion isn’t wanted, her questions unwelcome. She doesn’t want to pry anyway, a little scared of the answers. She follows Jaemin up the stairs, treading lightly. 

They travel down a familiar hallway to the last door, and Donghyuck brightens a little when she sees the sign on the door that says ‘Minnie,’ surrounded by hearts and other tiny drawings. Jaemin opens the door and steps out of the way, making a sweeping gesture. 

Donghyuck is struck with a pang of homesickness looking around the room. The walls are covered in different photos of Jaemin and her friends, posters of bands and singers, and twinkling lights. In one corner, she can see a bookshelf filled with several novels and some volumes of manga. There’s a series she’d given Jaemin years ago at the bottom. The corners of her mouth lift up and she jolts when Jaemin clears her throat. 

“Make yourself at home, I guess?” Jaemin says, twirling her hair with her fingers. “We can just spread out wherever, but my bed is probably easiest.”

Donghyuck hates to agree but there’s only one chair at the desk and one beanbag, and she can’t exactly correct Jaemin’s homework from there. Not that the bed has nearly as much space as advertised, as it’s half covered with plushies. Cute, but not helpful. 

Jaemin gives her a searching look, and Donghyuck flushes. “What, too good for my children?” 

Donghyuck rolls her eyes and sits on the bed, reaching for her backpack. “You’re the child,” she shoots back. Jaemin snickers, and Donghyuck barely resists the urge to kick her. 

It’s better when they’re like this, teasing each other with clear boundaries. Donghyuck can’t let herself forget who they are. 

About twenty minutes and half an assignment later—they’re getting quicker at this, thank god—Donghyuck starts to shiver. She berates herself for forgetting her sweatshirt at home this morning, but she’d checked the forecast and hadn’t thought it necessary. Why is the Na household _freezing_? Curse Jaemin and her stupid high body temperature. 

Donghyuck doesn’t notice Jaemin staring at her until she speaks. “Hey, are you okay?” Her brow furrows as she leans forward. “Are you cold?”

Donghyuck’s first instinct is to make a comment like, _no shit, Sherlock_ , but when she opens her mouth, her teeth start to chatter, so she closes it and nods instead. 

Jaemin makes a soft noise and shoves herself off the bed towards the closet. She rummages for a few seconds, hangers clanking together, and pulls out a worn black sweater. She walks back to the bed with a smile on her face. 

“Here! So you don’t freeze to death before you can teach me anything.”

Donghyuck scowls but takes the sweater, grateful. She pulls it over her head and mutters a _thank you_ before fixing the sleeves that go far past her fingers. It’s warm and smells like Jaemin. Donghyuck takes a subtle whiff, curling in on herself further. She glances back at Jaemin and is taken aback by the look on her face. 

Jaemin stares at her, mouth open and jaw slack, for a few seconds before shaking out of it. She finds her place on the bed again, fidgeting. “Anyway. Where were we?” She glances back up at Donghyuck, mouth twisted like there’s more she wants to say. Weird. 

Donghyuck prods Jaemin with her foot. “Are you okay? Do you wanna take a break?” She frowns when Jaemin just laughs and leans back against her pillows, cheeks darkening. 

“Obviously I’m fine, I’m not the one with potential hypothermia. Seriously, get a grip,” Jaemin scoffs, playing with a few strands of her hair and not meeting Donghyuck’s eyes. “Let’s just keep going, I’ll make us some food after.” When Donghyuck doesn’t answer, she continues, “Seriously, Hyuck, come on.”

Donghyuck has no choice but to shrug and continue going through Jaemin’s homework with her, voice quiet as she points out small mistakes. 

She also has no choice but to ignore the way the sunlight flits through the shutters, highlighting the (pretty, shiny, caramel— _stupid_ ) tone of Jaemin’s hair and glinting off her teeth as she bites her lip, concentrating. Her cheeks are still red and Donghyuck can’t help but to wonder, foolishly, if she has anything to do with it. 

They continue studying, slowly bouncing back to their typical roles of back and forth, push and pull. Jaemin rolls her eyes at a nitpicky correction that Donghyuck makes and inches closer along the bed. Donghyuck huffs out a laugh at a dumb pun that Jaemin makes and wonders if it’ll always hurt this much to be around her.

✿

“You’ve got a text from Jaemin,” comes from the bundle of blankets on Donghyuck’s bed as she walks back into her room. Jisung sticks her hand out, passing Donghyuck’s phone to her, and scoots a little to the side so she can join her. 

Flopping onto the bed, Donghyuck grabs her phone and checks her messages. She has several texts from Jaemin, actually, each about ninety-percent emoticon. She takes a moment to decipher them and lets out an _ah!_ , poking Jisung in what she assumes is her shoulder under the blankets. “Party at Jeno’s this weekend. You coming with?” 

Jisung’s eyes light up and she nods. “Should I let Mark and Renjun know? I haven’t heard from them since lunch, but they’re probably at Mark’s again.” 

Donghyuck shrugs. “Yea, text ‘em. They’ll get back to us eventually. Renjun looked miserable today, so just give them time.” She sighs to herself. 

Renjun has been acting a bit weird lately, stressed about small things and shying away from Mark more often. Mark told them that when her other friends, usually Jeno, came up to talk to the two of them, Renjun would blurt out some sort of excuse for her to get out of the conversation. She wouldn’t tell either Jisung or Donghyuck what was wrong, but they have a pretty good guess. 

So any time that Renjun wants to talk to Mark alone, Donghyuck will give her. Hopefully they’ll actually talk to each other and get things sorted out. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Jisung asks, finally popping up completely from her blanket burrito. “I think they finally put The Social Network back on Netflix.”

Donghyuck rolls her eyes. “First of all, you’ve seen that movie like thirty times. We’re watching the Matrix.” Jisung pouts. “Second of all, we’re not watching _anything_ because I know your essay isn’t finished. It’s due this week, what’s wrong with you?”

“Please, you know I’m a do-it-the-night-before kinda girl,” Jisung whines, pulling the blanket back around her shoulders. “Don’t try and force me to change my ways. I thought we were friends, Hyuck. Friends love each other the way they are.”

“Friends don’t let other friends fail yet another English essay because the first friend is too lazy to put any effort into it.”

“Okay, that was only like,” Jisung pauses for a second, mouthing some numbers, “four times. And they weren’t even that important.” Jisung clasps her hands together, looking Donghyuck in the eye. “If I promise to finish it tonight can we watch a movie?”

And Donghyuck tries to be strong, she does. Because she’s a responsible student (sometimes) and she cares about Jisung’s grades (because Taeyong had asked her to), but it’s so hard to be strong in the face of Jisung Park’s pout. She shudders to think of anyone who could resist. 

“Fine. Fine, we can watch a movie, but I pick what it is.” If Jisung gets another F, Donghyuck will make up some excuse to Taeyong later. “Go grab my laptop.” 

Jisung goes, hopping off the bed and smiling. “I’ll get snacks too!”

✿

Somehow Jisung convinces Donghyuck to watch a second movie, and then a third, and they’re partway through Mean Girls when she asks, “What’re you gonna wear on Saturday?”

Donghyuck starts, dropping the bowl of chips in her lap onto the bed. “Shit,” she says, trying to scoop them back in. She pauses to think about the question. “I’m not sure, actually. Probably just some shorts and like a band tee or something.”

She feels eyes on her face and turns to look at Jisung. Jisung is giving her an unimpressed look, her ice cream bar starting to melt in her hand. “You’re kidding, right?” She notices the ice cream and lets out an urgent sound. She leans down and licks the chocolate off her hand, looking like a little kid. “You’re gonna woo Yukhei in one of your Hollywood Undead t-shirts, seriously?”

Donghyuck flushes. “Okay, first of all, _no_ , I don’t even have any of those shirts anymore, fuck you. Second of all, what else would I wear? It’s not like I have a lot that I look good in.”

Jisung rolls her eyes, stuffing the small portion of ice cream bar she has left into her mouth and pausing the movie. She gets up from the bed, brushing the cheeto dust off of her shirt as she goes. Ugh, Donghyuck’s snack cupboard is probably a ghost town at this point. This is why she doesn’t let Jisung stay the night very often, her parents’ food budget isn’t even that big in the first place. 

Donghyuck watches as Jisung finds her way over to the closet. Jisung picks out a shirt Donghyuck definitely doesn’t remember buying. “Are you joking? This is so cute. Why have I never seen you wear this?”

“What do you even know about clothes? The shirt you’re wearing used to be Johnny’s, and it’s got _fringe_.”

“It’s called having your own sense of style, Hyuck,” Jisung shoots back. “Besides, I cut this fringe myself.” She looks down, fingers playing with the pieces of fabric hanging from the hem. “Whatever. Come here.”

Donghyuck makes her way over, grumbling something about _rude little brats_ as she goes. She looks at her closet warily, knowing she only wears about half of the clothing in it. She has a few cousins who insist on ‘updating her style,’ whatever that means, and is sent different items of clothing in the mail every few months. It’s mostly insanely cropped tops and too many sundresses, along with short skirts and jeans that fit way too tightly—she isn’t even sure how her cousins had guessed her size accurately enough to find clothes that fit so snug. 

Jisung holds a top out to her. “Try this on,” she says, looking at Donghyuck appraisingly. “It would look cute with your hair.” 

The shirt is black and white striped, with a giant red rose in one corner of it, and looks way shorter than anything she’s ever worn. The rose does match the tone of her hair, though. Donghyuck looks at it, lips twisting. “Do I have to?” At Jisung’s look, she sighs and grabs it from her. Jisung goes back to digging in the closet, looking for something to put on her bottom half. 

Donghyuck strips off her shirt, far from shy in front of Jisung, and replaces it with the top she’d been handed. She walks over to the mirror and panics. “Jisung.”

Jisung looks up from where she’s bent over. “What’s—oh!” Donghyuck whips her head around just as the other speaks again. “Dude it looks amazing on you.”

“It’s like three sizes too small!” Donghyuck hisses, face turning red. She tugs on the bottom of the shirt, even though it does absolutely nothing. There’s no give and she can’t imagine wearing this out of her room, let alone to a party full of people she doesn’t know. The hem comes to just below the bottom of her _bra,_ and even though Jisung or maybe Ten would wear something like this, Donghyuck knows it’s just not for her. 

“Okay, okay, try this one instead.”

Donghyuck barely catches the shirt Jisung tosses to her, examining it closely. It still looks shorter than something she’d usually wear, but it’s designed to look like a page taken out of a comic book. There are some repeated panels across it, with some superhero character she’s pretty sure doesn’t actually exist and some speech bubbles with a catchphrase inside. Donghyuck shrugs, pulling it over her head. 

She looks back in the mirror and just...stares. Because honestly? This is not the worst she’s ever looked. She could still see a couple inches of skin above her belly button, but she really hopes no one notices much. 

“Alright, that one you have to keep,” Jisung says, her smile out in full force. Her nose is scrunched in a cute way and Donghyuck’s heart feels fond. Or at least until Jisung continues. “Okay, now take your pants off.”

“You could have worded that in literally any other way,” Donghyuck says despairingly. Jisung ignores her, walking over and handing her a pair of black pants. “What are these, before I strip?”

“Jeans? They’re high waisted, if you’re wondering. They might be tight but they’re stretchy. They should work.”

Donghyuck doesn’t really trust her, but she listens anyway, trying them on. She struggles a bit with lifting them past her thighs, doing a dumb little dance to wiggle them up bit by bit. They’re one of the pairs that fit way too tightly, feeling like a second skin on her, but she does like how they cover up a bit of her stomach and accentuate her hips. 

The thing is, Donghyuck’s not insecure or anything, she just finds it hard to go outside of her comfort zone. And usually her comfort zone consists of soft t-shirts and long sleeves underneath, and jeans that, y’know, actually let her breathe. Dongyoung tells her all the time that she has no idea where Donghyuck’s style comes from, because it’s certainly not from _her_. 

Jisung hooks her chin on Donghyuck’s shoulder, standing behind her in front of the mirror. “I was right, you look amazing.” She lets out a dramatic sigh. “I am a god.”

Donghyuck rolls her eyes, again. She spends too much time with Renjun; both of them are going to get their eyes stuck like that. “Sure, Sung. You’re a fashion genius. Can I put my sweats back on now?” Jisung nods and lets her go. 

She’s still a bit nervous for Saturday. She and her friends don’t _go_ to parties, not like the ones Jaemin does. For Donghyuck it’s more like, little kickback in someone’s backyard, with no alcohol and a bonfire and a guitar for some reason. Rule one at those is to never let Mark on the guitar, not unless you want someone playing Khalid covers for three hours. (She’s not even sure when Mark learned them all, but one time is too many.)

Donghyuck redresses and drifts back to the bed slowly, playing with her fingers. They unpause the movie again, leaning into each other. 

“...So will you let me do your makeup that night, as well?”

“For fuck’s sake, Jisung.”

✿

The party’s in full swing by the time Donghyuck arrives with the other girls. 

“Well, well, well, look who finally made it!” A smiling Jaemin struts over to them as they enter the living room, looking—if possible—even more polished than usual. Her smile turns sharper as she looks Donghyuck up and down. “Not bad, Lee.”

Donghyuck gapes a bit in response. She tries to subtly check out Jaemin’s outfit but knows she’s failed when met with a smirk on the way back up. (Tight, ripped jeans, floral crop top, is that a _belly button ring_ —) 

“Yea, well, I had help, so…” she trails off. They keep eye contact, despite the silence. She watches Jaemin bite her lip and feels herself do the same. 

Hours pass in a single moment, the world narrowing to just the two of them. Why are her palms sweating? Jaemin’s never looked at her like this before, like she can’t turn away. She’d never made that face when they were friends, gaze darkening, eyes narrowing. It almost feels like—

“Uh,” Renjun chimes, and Donghyuck almost chokes on her own tongue. Right. They’re in public, sort of, it’s not just her and Jaemin. “We’re gonna go get some drinks, see you guys in a bit? Let us know if you find you-know-who!” 

Waggling her eyebrows, she grabs Mark and Jisung by the arms and scurries off, sending Donghyuck a wink. 

(“I thought I wasn’t allowed to drink?” 

“Can it, dumbass, they’re having a moment.”)

Clearing her throat, Donghyuck turns back to Jaemin, face hot. “Right, yea, um—”

“Yukhei’s probably in the basement, since you’re looking for her,” Jaemin cuts her off, no longer looking at Donghyuck. That shouldn’t bother her. Why does that bother her? “Drinks are in the kitchen, some people are playing games downstairs, and there’s almost always snacks somewhere around here, so. Good Luck.” The dismissive hand Jaemin waves at the door on the other side of the room sends the conversation to a halt. 

“Oh, right, I’ll just…” Donghyuck trails off again, stumbling a bit after her friends. She was on a mission, she had to remember. No time to waste pondering Jaemin’s weirdness. Game face. 

There’s a bit of noise coming from—well, everywhere, but especially the kitchen. Donghyuck pops her head through the door to find an unexpected scene: Renjun, arguing with a laughing Jeno Lee, trying to tug a half-empty bottle of vodka out of her hands. Mark looks on, clearly amused and probably already a bit buzzed, while Jisung just does that doe-eyed confusion thing of hers, arms up like she wants to help. Donghyuck catches a bit of the conversation as she steps closer. 

“—because she’s a fucking _child_ , you stupid—”

“Oh, c’mon, Renjun, technically we’re all minors here—”

“That is not the point and you know it.”

“Hey, hand me something strong, will you, Jun?” Donghyuck interrupts, worried for Jeno. She barely knows her but she seems like a sweet enough girl that she shouldn’t have to suffer Renjun’s wrath like this. Plus, it’s her house they’re in, so she would feel bad watching Renjun fist fight the host.

Renjun and Jeno finally notice her, freezing mid-one-sided argument, and Renjun ends up with the bottle after a final, strong tug, ponytail swinging almost violently behind her. “Sure, babe, what d’you want?” 

“You sure you want Renjun to make your first drink, Hyuck?” Mark teases, not seeing the look her girlfriend gives her. “Jeno’s been making them all night and if strong is your goal, that’s your girl, bro.” 

Jeno grins at the praise, nodding. Donghyuck shrugs and tries to send an apology to Renjun through her mind. 

“Whoever gets me drunk the fastest, I really don’t care. I just need some liquid courage to talk to Y—uh. You know. Who.” Nice save. Good job, Lee. Thanks Lee. 

Renjun, who’d been sulking behind the counter, lights up at the almost-mention of Yukhei. “Oh, speaking of which, where is she? Actually, where did Jaemin go? I thought you guys were talking.”

“Ugh, yea, but she got weird on me after you walked away? You-know-who is in the basement, according to Jaemin,” Donghyuck says, taking the cup Jeno hands her and gulping, which, _fuck_ , okay, rough start. But strong, like she asked. She takes a few more swigs, grimacing. 

Jeno and Mark are laughing, and Donghyuck doesn’t realize why until she sees Renjun glaring at them. Whipping her head around she catches Jeno passing Jisung her cup for a sip, and Mark launching animatedly into a story about god knows what, hands flying. Donghyuck always forgets the two of them are actually close. Renjun, however, doesn’t seem to, if the increasingly sour look on her face is anything to go by. 

“Well, fuck Jaemin! You’ve got plans anyway.” Renjun smirks at Donghyuck, and it feels like a threat. She makes her way out from behind the counter and stands close enough to swing an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck blinks. 

“Refill?” Jeno asks, poking her head around Donghyuck’s other shoulder, snatching her cup before she can even answer. What a good host. That was so nice of Jeno. Jeno’s so nice. “Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself.” Jesus. One drink in. 

“Jun, you want one?” Donghyuck asks, pointing at the table. Renjun hesitates. “Come on, it’s a party, can we pretend to have fun?” 

Renjun opens her mouth to answer and snaps it shut, face falling at something over Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck turns—okay, turn more slowly, Hyuck, you got this—and sees Jeno and Mark on either side of Jisung, laughing uproariously at the scrunch of the girl’s face and empty shot glass in her hand. 

Behind Donghyuck, Renjun makes a tiny scoffing noise and says, “Yea, that’s...not a bad idea.”

Two and a half drinks, a few shots, and probably a bit of contact high later, Donghyuck is disagreeing with that statement. Like big time. She probably made a good impression on the small group of people playing beer pong in the dining room—Donghyuck fucking _owns_ at anything involving a ping pong ball—but her mind’s a little too hazy to care. 

Look, it’s not like Donghyuck can’t handle her alcohol, okay? It’s just that, before this, it might’ve been limited to a flute or two of champagne at New Years or a wedding here and there, so _maybe_ she’s not exactly used to this much, and all at once, and oh _fuck_ yea, they’ve got snacks. She walks—very steadily, thank you—to the corner of the kitchen. 

Donghyuck barely registers a voice asking _is she okay_ , seeing that there’s a few different bags of chips on the counter, thank god, she’s never been this starving. 

An arm wraps around her shoulder as she scarfs down some Cheetos and she looks up, a dopey smile spreading across her face. “Jaemin!”

The girl in question sends a lazy grin back, arm gripping tighter around Donghyuck’s neck. “Hyuckie!” Jaemin chirps, sounding as wobbly as Donghyuck feels. “Where’ve you been, oh my god?”

Donghyuck laces an arm around Jaemin’s waist and leans into her, still smiling. Wow. Jaemin is so warm and wonderful. She really loves Jaemin, _everyone_ loves Jaemin, how can you not? Donghyuck giggles into her shoulder and sighs, “I’m having so much fun, Jaem, I love you.”

Jaemin leans back a little and laughs, and Donghyuck chases her warmth. Jaemin smells like perfume, the nice shit, the kind Donghyuck can never afford, and a bit like weed, and sweat. It’s intoxicating—or like. More intoxicating. Donghyuck giggles again. 

“Hey, c’mon, let’s go sit, my legs are tired.” Jaemin maneuvers her slightly into the wall, and they readjust, laughing. Donghyuck feels light. 

Through a bit of struggle, Donghyuck is led to the living room again and onto the couch. She’s surrounded by some people she could probably name if she tried, but she doesn’t really feel like trying right now. In fact, Donghyuck doesn’t really feel like doing anything except snuggling back under Jaemin’s arm. She’s so nice, does she know she’s so nice? Donghyuck has to tell her. 

It feels like there’s something really, _really_ important she’s forgetting but she’s too content to care. 

“Hey Jaem, new toy? Been a while,” Donghyuck hears from a few feet to her...right? Probably. She turns that way and sees a pretty girl she doesn’t recognize leering at her. Laughter from all sides follows the girl’s statement and Jaemin shifts next to her. 

“Hey Siyeon, mind your own fucking business,” comes the sugary sweet voice from slightly above her. 

Donghyuck tries to say _hell yea_ but she’s not sure it comes out, so she wraps her arms around Jaemin’s waist instead and hopes the other girl understands. Everyone starts laughing again and she doesn’t really get why. 

The music in the room seems to get louder and a few of the people on either side of them get up from their seats, starting a sort of group dance next to the couches. They look like they’re having fun but Donghyuck really has no desire to go join them. Her spot next to Jaemin is comfortable and warm. Jaemin is so warm. 

Donghyuck is jostled suddenly so she whines, clinging tighter to Jaemin’s waist. Why is she trying to move her away? That’s rude. Why’s Jaemin being rude? Jaemin snorts and disentangles herself from Donghyuck, helping her sit up. 

Donghyuck frowns and clumsily plops herself in Jaemin’s lap instead, wrapping an arm around her neck. 

“Hyuck, what—”

Donghyuck places a gentle palm on Jaemin’s mouth and shushes her, smiling. Jaemin is so nice—nice and pretty. Does Jaemin know she’s pretty? Donghyuck glances at her lips and back up at her eyes. There’s a flicker of something in them but she can’t place what it is. They look darker than usual, a little glazed. Pretty. So, so pretty. 

Suddenly, Donghyuck wants—

She really, _really_ wants. 

Before she can think through what she’s doing, Donghyuck is leaning in and closing her eyes. Jaemin gasps as their lips meet, and Donghyuck exhales shakily, pushing herself closer. It’s awkward at first, because she’s clearly more into it than Jaemin is, until she feels Jaemin grab onto her waist and pull her closer, finally kissing back.

Why have they never done this before? Jaemin feels so nice. _This_ is so nice. 

Donghyuck lets out a soft sigh, opening her mouth against Jaemin’s and tangling her hands in the other’s hair. Her mind goes blank and she melts as Jaemin slips her tongue into Donghyuck’s mouth. _Fuck._

Jaemin kisses like she’s got something to prove, like she has to be in control, and Donghyuck is, for once, content to let her do so. Has Jaemin done this before? Jaemin must have done this before. Donghyuck certainly hasn’t, but this feels right. This is how it should be. 

She lets out a tiny noise as Jaemin bites her bottom lip, following it with a swipe of her tongue to soothe. Her head feels so hazy, all white noise except for the way Jaemin is sucking on her tongue now, oh, shit. One hand tightens on her waist, another skating up her side. 

Jaemin lets out a desperate sound and Donghyuck feels breathless, she wants to get closer. She wants all of Jaemin, she wants, and wants, and _wants_ —

And suddenly she’s being pulled back by the same hands that were holding her. Donghyuck opens her eyes and tries to focus on Jaemin’s face. “Wha-what’s wrong?” Donghyuck asks, placing her palms on Jaemin’s cheeks. Her brow is scrunched like she’s in pain, why is she in pain? Donghyuck doesn’t understand, feeling cold all of a sudden. 

Jaemin shakes her head, rasps, “Why did you do that?” She places her hands back on Donghyuck’s hips and gives her a look that she can’t figure out. “Why the hell did you…”

“What do you me—”

“ _Donghyuck_!” Renjun comes barreling into the living room, a stumbling and bleary eyed Jisung in tow. “There you are, we’ve been—oh?” 

Suddenly Donghyuck is being jostled to the side, falling sideways on the couch, which ow? Jaemin stands up like it’s urgent and mumbles something about _finding Jeno, sorry_ which, again. Ow. But on the inside. 

“Hey, Jun,” Donghyuck sighs. It feels like ice water has been dumped on her, sobering her up a bit. Renjun and Jisung sit down next to her, twin confused looks on their faces. 

“What was that all about?” Renjun demands, looking back and forth between the couch and the doorway where Jaemin had long disappeared. “Were you two…”

“They were _kissing_. Look at Hyuck’s lips.”

“We were _not_ ,” Donghyuck lies, still slightly stinging from Jaemin just—and this cannot be overstated—walking away from their very nice makeout. For no reason, or at least none that Donghyuck could come up with. “Please drop it.”

Renjun gives her one last dubious look before nodding and leaning into Donghyuck’s side, playing with her fingers. 

Had Donghyuck done something wrong? Was she a bad kisser? Did Jaemin...not want to kiss her? The ache in her chest is back, and she rubs at her ribs to try and calm it. 

“Has anyone seen Mark?” Jisung’s voice cuts into Donghyuck’s thoughts. Renjun makes a face, shrugging. Jisung laughs, teasing her. “Isn’t she your responsibility?” 

Renjun shrugs again. “I don’t need to see her right now, and she clearly doesn’t need to see me either. It’s not like we’re attached at the hip, I’m also _just_ fine without her, thank you.” 

Donghyuck stares at her. “Are...you okay?” Something feels off with Renjun but she can’t quite put her finger on what it is. Was she fighting with someone? Or—

“Ayyy, let’s do some shots!” a voice calls from the edge of the living room. 

Jisung jolts at the noise, eyes wide, but looks back at Donghyuck, head tilted. Renjun and Donghyuck meet eyes and shrug. 

Fuck it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay wow! sooo a lot and also very little happens in this chap—basically hyuck is a mess (when is she not)  
> anyway i hope u enjoy!! pls leave a comment n lmk what u think!

_Uuugh. Bright. Awful._ Donghyuck groggily comes to, her lack of curtains once again screwing her over. She pulls her pillow over her head and contemplates going back to sleep when she’s brought back to consciousness by Jaemin’s ringtone—something sugary and poppy and way too fucking loud for a Sunday morning. _Why?_

Donghyuck picks up on the third ring. “Give me one good reason not to murder you right now, Jaem.”

“Hyuckie! You’re awake!” Too loud. God, her head hurts. 

“Yea, unfortunately. What do you want?”

“Aww, sweets,” Jaemin coos. “You’re hungover as fuck, huh? I’m on my way over. Ah, ah, don’t interrupt me. We’re studying today whether you like it or not. You’re just lucky I’m buying you food, as usual. You’d die without me, honestly, you’re so welcome—”

“Bye, Jaemin.” _Click._

Donghyuck might as well get up, at this point, especially if Jaemin’s already on her way. How _exhausting._ Of course she’s the type of person to not even be slightly hungover, or at least not make it noticeable to others. Put together as always, that’s Jaemin. 

(Donghyuck says this, but remembers laughing at a sodden Jaemin, drenched with iced tea after tripping on the sidewalk. She says this, but she’s seen Jaemin laugh so hard she cries, seen her flushed and sweaty, seen her so tired she started to fall asleep over her chemistry book. She’s seen Jaemin _soft_ , and human, and vulnerable, and it makes something in her stomach twist.) 

Stuffing a towel under her arm, Donghyuck heads to the bathroom to shower, passing through the hallway on the way. Out of the corner of her eye she sees some movement at the kitchen table, which, what the fuck?

“Morning, Hyuck, why are you up this early?” Mark asks, sounding as tired as Donghyuck feels. She stretches her arms above her head and yawns, giving Donghyuck time to notice the glasses on her face and the ratty t-shirt that was probably Donghyuck’s at one point. 

“Hi, how did you get in my house?”

Mark snorts. “Did you forget that we all crashed here, or?” Donghyuck raises a brow. “You were pretty drunk. Your mom was pissed when we got here and sent us straight to bed, so.” 

“Where are Renjun and Jisung?” As she asks, her mind conjures up the two lumps of blankets on the floor of her bedroom that she hadn’t thought anything of earlier. “Oh, my room. Got it.”

She swings back and forth in her mind for a second, wondering if she should tell Mark that Jaemin is on her way, and ultimately decides that she should. God knows what Renjun will say if she wakes up to Jaemin walking around the house. 

“Okay, look,” Donghyuck starts, unsure how to word this. _Like a bandaid,_ she thinks. _Just rip it off._ “Jaemin’s on her way over. To study.” 

Mark raises her brows. “On a Sunday morning? Aren’t you hungover? Isn’t _she_?”

Donghyuck rolls her eyes. “Please, this is Jaemin we’re talking about. She’s fine, plus mornings are her _thing_ , for some reason.” Mark snorts. “But I need you to get Renjun and Jisung out before she comes though.”

“And why can’t you do it?”

“Because I’m gonna take a shower, like a civilized person,” Donghyuck shoots back. “Please, Mark? I’d rather not have a confrontation this morning, my head already hurts.” 

Mark eventually nods, waving her off when she thanks her. 

Donghyuck spends an unnatural amount of time in the shower, scrubbing off the grime and sweat and what feels like at least one full can of beer off of her skin. 

Okay, maybe she’s exaggerating, but it feels fucking gross. 

She lets her mind wander, landing on her plans for today. She finds herself worrying about Jaemin, and what she’ll say when she sees her. She’s not sure _why_ , since she can’t really remember anything that happened after playing beer pong—and even that’s a little fuzzy—but she feels like Jaemin might be mad at her. Or something. 

God her head _really_ hurts. 

Donghyuck steps out of the shower, squeezing her hair with a towel and wrapping it around her body when she’s done. She brushes her teeth a little more vigorously than usual and panics when she meets her own eyes in the mirror. 

Shit, what should she be wearing? Would Jaemin be nicely dressed? Sure, it’s the weekend, but Jaemin looks impeccable all the time—if she ignores the times they’ve studied at her house, but even then her worn sweatpants and soft hoodies look _good_. The tiny voice in the back of her head asks her why she gives a fuck what Jaemin thinks of her outfit, ever, and Donghyuck can’t really bring herself to answer it. 

Still wrapped in her towel, hand firmly grasping it in case anyone is still around, she steps out of the bathroom door and—

“Oof!” Oh, Jesus, oh god oh shit. Tiny voice in her head has started screaming.

Jaemin stands there, in all her jean jacket clad glory, looking at Donghyuck a little awkwardly. Donghyuck forgets why until she looks down and squeaks. Right. Towel. 

“Sorry, uh, Mark let me in,” Jaemin croaks, eyes firmly locked on Donghyuck’s face. “Renjun didn’t look happy to see me, but that’s—sorry, I’ll go, uh. Living room.” She stumbles away, face red, and Donghyuck just stares after her. 

What? 

Donghyuck shakes her head, trying to focus. She makes her way back to her room, finding the nicest casual-looking clothes she owns and pulling up whatever part of her hair is long enough into something resembling a bun. She’ll be damned if she looks like a mess after seeing how cute Jaemin looks—wait. No, she means, how put together Jaemin looks. Right? She can’t even find peace in her own head at this point. 

She’s scared of what this whole thing might mean and what Jaemin might mean to her. Okay, again, _what?_

Guess she’s just feeling inferior again. It’s a common thing when it comes to Jaemin, someone she both hates and looks up to. Although...does she hate Jaemin? Does she _really_? They’re sort of rivals, and have been for years, throwing jabs back and forth and being genuinely annoying to each other whenever possible. 

But since this whole tutoring thing started, Donghyuck has noticed how easy it is to be around Jaemin, when they’re focused on something other than trying to one up the other. She enjoys the time they spend together, amazingly, and she laughs more with Jaemin than she does any other time and that’s...weird. 

Donghyuck pushes it to the back of her mind to deal with later. She’s getting good at that. 

She notices that the blankets from her bed and closet have been hurriedly thrown back to their homes, and shoots a text to Mark, thanking her for taking the other two with her. If they had seen what just happened between her and Jaemin...let’s just say she’s glad they have the house to themselves. Donghyuck tries not to blush at the thought, shaking her head. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfy,” Donghyuck says, now fully dressed and joining Jaemin on the couch. “I wasn’t sure when you’d get here.”

Jaemin rolls her eyes, still a little red in the face. “Please, it’s fine, it’s not the first time I’ve seen someone almost naked. No worries.” Which would be a worrying sentence if Donghyuck didn’t know about Jaemin playing basketball and doing track in middle school. 

Or, wait, not worrying, just...unexpected? God, why couldn’t Donghyuck get a hold on her feelings around Jaemin lately? She doesn’t care if Jaemin’s slept with anyone, anyway, that’s her choice as a person. And it very much does _not_ bother Donghyuck to think of Jaemin with someone else. 

Wait, no. Not else. Just...someone. 

Donghyuck looks back up at Jaemin, trying to ignore the heat on her face. Jaemin is equally red, which Donghyuck doesn’t understand, but that’s fine. It’s _fine_. 

“So what are we working on today?” Jaemin asks, rifling through her backpack. “I mean, I brought my homework and one of my tests, and I just, don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. So I was thinking we start there? Unless you had an idea already.” She places the papers on the coffee table in front of them, looking expectantly at Donghyuck. 

“Oh, uh,” Donghyuck scrambles for a second. “Yea, lemme look at your homework. Is it due tomorrow?” Jaemin nods. “Got it. Gimme a sec.”

Donghyuck drops down onto the floor on her knees and scoots forward. She pulls the assignment closer to her and starts to read a word problem. The handwriting underneath is neat and normal-sized, but Donghyuck’s head begins to swim anyway. Fuck hangovers, seriously. 

She soldiers on but it starts to be too much in about the middle of the page. She turns to Jaemin on the couch, shaking her head. “Sorry, Jaem, I’m gonna take a break. I can’t—can’t focus, my head—” 

“Hangover, yea, I figured,” Jaemin shrugs. She plucks the paper from Donghyuck’s hands, stuffing it back into her backpack. “Come on, I know a place that’ll help.” She sets her backpack on the ground and stands, reaching out for Donghyuck’s hand. 

Donghyuck eyes her, confused. “Shouldn’t we...finish this first? I mean, it’s due tomorrow.”

Jaemin laughs, hand still outstretched. “Yea, and you’re not much help to me like this. It’s fine, we can finish it later.” Donghyuck takes her hand, pulling herself up, narrowing her eyes at Jaemin, who scoffs. “Yes, I know, it’s terrible. You’ll have to spend more time with me. Ring the alarms.” Donghyuck laughs. 

“Yea, yea. You’re the worst.” Something flashes in Jaemin’s eyes as Donghyuck says that, something she can’t name. “Lemme grab my jacket and some aspirin.”

✿

They find themselves in some tiny diner that Donghyuck’s never been in before, across the table from each other and pancakes piled high between them. There are sides of bacon and eggs on either side of the pancakes, and coffee for the both of them—something far too sugary for Jaemin and two little cups of creamer in Donghyuck’s. 

Jaemin keeps eyeing Donghyuck as they eat, looking like she wants to say something, and it’s making Donghyuck nervous. She finds herself starting to fidget and sends a silent thanks up to whoever’s listening that the aspirin has kicked in already, otherwise her head would hurt even worse right now. 

“Okay, just say it,” Donghyuck blurts. Jaemin startles, piece of bacon halfway to her mouth. Donghyuck wants to laugh but she feels too unsettled to get it out. 

“Say what?” 

“What you’ve clearly been trying to say since we got here. You keep looking at me weirdly, like you always do when you don’t know how to bring something up,” Donghyuck says, rolling her eyes. “Did something happen yesterday? Did I...did I do something weird?” 

She doesn’t know why she asks, but she can’t help but think that the reason Jaemin’s acting so unnaturally is because Donghyuck did something to bother her. She has no idea what it could possibly _be_ , considering she hadn’t even seen Jaemin for more than maybe a minute at the party. 

Jaemin’s face twists, like she’s in pain or something. A pang of recognition hits Donghyuck but she can’t place why. 

“How much do you remember?” Jaemin asks, carefully, like she’s trying to be delicate about this. Which means, fuck, Donghyuck _had_ done something weird. She tries to control her facial muscles.

“Only up ‘til I played beer pong, with...uh,” Donghyuck racks her brain, trying to recall. “Okay, maybe I don’t remember that either.” She shrugs. “Can’t have been that exciting, I guess. But if something bad happened, you would tell me, right?”

“Right, yea,” Jaemin says, grimacing. After a moment, she clears her throat. “Nothing bad happened, you just. You were really drunk, uh...we saw each other for a bit but mostly you ate snacks. Oh, you danced on a table after everyone did shots upstairs, from what people are saying.” Jaemin smirks, and it almost looks genuine. “There’s a video on Daehwi’s snapchat.” 

Donghyuck groans. “Nooo, please tell me our entire class hasn’t seen it,” she whines, Jaemin laughing at her. “I guess that explains the giant bruise on my shin.” 

“Yea, it took you a couple tries to get up there.”

“ _Ugh._ ” Donghyuck drops her head into her hands. Well, that’s fucking embarrassing. But if that’s the worst thing she’d done, especially considering how much she had to drink, then she’s totally fine. She also feels a bit better, stomach no longer empty and headache fading toa dull throb. She still feels kind of shitty in general but she figures she’ll get past it enough by afternoon, and then she can help Jaemin with her chemistry. 

Jaemin’s eyes still look a bit sad, and Donghyuck doesn’t know why. She also doesn’t know why she wants to help her so badly, make her smile again. Weird, weird, _weird_.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you yet, but the weekend after next there’s a party at Hyunjin’s for her birthday. You coming, or?” Jaemin picks at her pancake with her fork, eyes meeting Donghyuck’s.

“Yea, we’ll be there. Last night was fun.”

Jaemin’s face lights up a bit at that. “Dope, I’ll text you her address then!” She tacks on a smile at the end, a real one, and Donghyuck’s heart does a weird little squeeze thing. Huh. 

Right. She’ll deal with that later.

✿

Donghyuck is determined. She is _set_ , she is ready, absolutely nothing will keep her from getting Yukhei’s number—and maybe a date—tonight. 

She looks good, she feels great, she even shaved her legs for this. Mark helped redye her hair—it’s very much bubblegum pink, despite what Jisung says—and Donghyuck had pulled on her best outfit (Jisung’s words): fishnets, short-ish skirt, crop top. Check, check, and check. 

Jisung had lent her the fishnets and found the rest of the outfit in her closet, in the part Donghyuck never goes through out of fear, mostly. She thinks she saw sequins the last time she tried. She shudders. 

Not in this lifetime. 

Anyway, Donghyuck is getting a girlfriend tonight if it kills her. And it just might, she thinks as she smoothes her shirt down for the hundredth time. 

“You’re freaking out,” Jisung says next to her in front of the mirror. She looks cute, hair up for once in pigtails and outfit more whole than hole, which is unusual. Donghyuck glares at her in their reflection and sticks her tongue out. 

“I’m fine, I’m chill,” she shoots back. “The most chill, I’m chill as fuck—”

“She’s freaking out. She called me panicking earlier today,” Renjun calls out from where she’s splayed out on Mark’s bed. Next to her, Mark lets out a laugh and tugs Renjun closer. Donghyuck doesn’t even protest the statement, rolling her eyes. 

Renjun turns over in Mark’s arms and plants a wet _(loud)_ kiss on her lips, smiling into it. Donghyuck and Jisung turn back to the mirror, fake gagging and pretending to faint onto each other. “Oh fuck off, you children. I know you’re just jealous, not my fault you’re both single.” 

“No,” Jisung says, “I’d just rather not lose my lunch before we even start drinking.” She tucks her button-up into her belt and purses her lips. 

“ _You_ aren’t going to start drinking. No hiding behind Jeno this time, bitch, I’ll be watching you.”

Mark untangles herself from Renjun, reaching across her bed and digging for something behind it. She makes a victorious sound and pulls out two bottles of rosé. “So I shouldn’t have asked Johnny to bring me these?” She laughs when Renjun gasps, holding her chest in (probably) fake outrage. “Pregame, motherfuckers!” 

Jisung’s eyes widen and she finally turns from the mirror fully. She shuffles towards the bed, arms extended and grabby hands out in full force. 

Renjun rolls her eyes, opening her mouth. 

Before she can say anything, Donghyuck warns, “I swear to god if you say anything to the effect of ‘I’d rather you drink at home than somewhere else,’ I’m gonna lose it.” 

Renjun snaps her mouth shut, glaring at Donghyuck. Mark just laughs again, letting Renjun fall back into her arms and scowl. 

“I’ll get glasses—unless we wanna drink from the bottle?” Jisung says, smirk in full force. Which should be worrying, honestly. They basically raised Jisung, what does this say about them?

“Go get glasses, you dumbass,” Mark says, rolling her eyes. 

Jisung leaves for the kitchen, and Donghyuck makes her way to the bed. She feels as unsettled as she did the last time they’d gone to a party, can’t make the knot in her chest seem to dissipate. 

It feels a bit dumb to be this nervous. She’s made a personal vow not to drink as much as last time, because she wants to remember asking Yukhei out—and wants to _not_ do anything terrible like puke on her—but she can already sense that she needs some liquid courage. Or maybe a pep talk? Or maybe she should just run out of the house, steal Johnny’s car, and drive to the tippy top of the globe where she’ll never have to see anyone again. 

Shit, wait, she doesn’t know how to fill a gas tank. Or like, drive. Okay, new plan. 

“I can hear you thinking from here, Hyuck.” Donghyuck looks up at the voice to find Mark smiling at her softly. “What’s going on?” 

She shakes her head. “It’s nothing, I’m just. What if I can’t do it, or she says no? What if I make a fool of myself in front of her? I mean, I’ve never...done this,” she finishes lamely, shrugging her shoulders. “I don’t even know how to date someone.”

“Can’t be that hard,” Renjun says. “I mean, if Mark can do it, anyone can.”

“Hey!” 

Renjun leans back and plants a kiss on Mark’s cheek. “Kidding, hun.”

Donghyuck watches them a little sadly. What if she never gets to have someone like this, what if neither Yukhei nor anyone else ever wants to date her? She wants to hold a hand, dammit. 

Jisung comes back into the room with an armful of cups and a bunch of cookies on a plate. They look like chocolate chip, and normally Donghyuck’s mouth would water, but right now she just feels like the tacos they had for dinner are about to come back up. 

“I didn’t even know you guys had a cookie jar, Mark,” Jisung says, eyes lit up like a kid. 

“We don’t? Where the fuck did you find those?” Mark demands, slipping off the bed and grabbing the plate from Jisung. Jisung shrugs, helping herself to one. 

“Kitchen, in a glass container. They’re still warm.”

Mark gives her a look, which she ignores. Jisung starts distributing glasses, and Renjun walks around with the first bottle, pouring about a half cup for everyone. 

“Bottoms up!” Mark calls, and they all take a drink at the same time. A gurgling sound comes from Jisung, and she grabs at her own neck. Mark rolls her eyes. “Why did you want some so badly, Sung? You don’t even like booze.”

“Yea, but it gets better with time.”

“You mean as you get drunker,” Donghyuck interjects, laughing. She takes another drink, belly feeling a little warmer bit by bit. 

By the time they get to the second bottle, Donghyuck is feeling a lot more mellow about everything. She’s not _drunk_ , but she feels a little floaty and optimistic. 

“Alright let’s head out,” Renjun calls. “I don’t like wine so I’ll drive us there, but I do like vodka so you,” she points at Mark, “are driving us home.”

Mark shrugs. “Fine by me.”

✿

Hyunjin’s house is packed by the time they arrive, people flowing out onto the front step. It’s fucking huge, of course, because why throw a party at a place without an in-ground pool, right? 

They make their way to the kitchen for drinks, Renjun mixing some for herself, Donghyuck, and Jisung (after she whines and threatens to make her own). They sip for a bit, dancing along with the music to themselves as they people-watch. Mark leans over to whisper something to Renjun as she points, and Renjun laughs behind her hand. 

It’s not long before Donghyuck feels the warm, syrupy feeling again, the wine having worn off a little on the drive over. Maybe it wouldn’t have if the driveway to this place wasn’t seven miles long or something, but, eh. Rich people. 

Jisung says something about seeing a friend a room back, and drags Mark along with her to the pool table they’d seen at the other end of the giant living room, much to Renjun’s annoyance. Mark tosses a _sorry, babe!_ over her shoulder and follows the youngest out of the room. 

Renjun sighs and rubs one temple. She pours Donghyuck another drink once she finishes and peers into her own cup. She shrugs. “Wanna go downstairs?” 

“Yea, why not. I haven’t found Jaemin or Yukhei, yet, so—”

“Do you need to find Jaemin?” Renjun asks, squinting at her. She looks suspicious, and Donghyuck realizes what she’s said is...odd. “You’ve been spending all your time with her anyway, you’re that attached?”

Donghyuck laughs nervously. “No, of course not, I just thought she might know where Yukhei is.” She places a smile on her face, hoping it’s convincing. Renjun looks like she wants to say something and Donghyuck turns around on her heel. “Okay, basement!”

Renjun follows her towards the stairs next to the counter, and they make their way down them,   
Donghyuck taking huge gulps of her drink as she goes. This house is too big for comfort and it feels almost never ending. She’s done with her drink by the time they hit the basement. They’re at the bottom of the stairs for all of ten seconds before Donghyuck sees a familiar figure, making her stomach twist. 

Donghyuck lets out a squeak and steps on the back of Renjun’s shoe. “Ow, fuck—dude, why?” Renjun mutters, which Donghyuck barely notices because oh god. 

Walking parallel from them across the room is six feet of golden haired, dimpled beauty and Donghyuck thinks she might throw up. 

“Shit, fuck, _shit_ , Yukhei is right there. What do I do?” Donghyuck panics, smoothing her hair down. “What do I say—Renjun, no, come back—”

“Oh hell no, I’m gonna go get another drink, and you’re gonna walk over there right now.” Renjun plucks the empty cup out of Donghyuck’s hand and backs away towards the stairs. “ _Now_ , Lee, we did not spend this long getting ready just for you to chicken out again.” 

Renjun has her disapproving mom look on, which is somehow scarier than walking over to Yukhei, so Donghyuck does just that—very much not stumbling and almost breaking her hip on the other pool table. Which, for fuck’s sake, who even has two pool tables in one house? Rich people. 

“Ayyy, Hyuck!” Yukhei exclaims when she sees her, apparently too loud for the girl next to her, who chokes on her swig of what looks like orange soda and god knows what else. 

“Jesus, Hei, volume,” the tiny girl says, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. She turns to Donghyuck and grins. “You must be Donghyuck. I’m Dejun.” 

Donghyuck smiles a little nervously. This girl is almost intimidating in her beauty—shorter than Donghyuck, and slighter, with sharp features, a strong brow, and a toothy grin. “Ah, yea, hi! I am. Donghyuck, that is.” Fuck. 

The girl—Dejun—giggles anyway, so she must have said something right. 

Yukhei grabs her attention again. “What’s up? I didn’t see you at all at Jeno’s party but I heard you fuckin’ _crushed_ at flip cup.” She’s grinning wildly, warmth radiating from her. 

Donghyuck laughs. “Ha, it was beer pong actually, but, yea. I don’t even remember who I played with, honestly. Not that it mattered, cause the other team fucking sucked.” Yukhei and Dejun both let out a bellow of laughter, and the knot in Donghyuck’s chest loosens. She’s fitting in, amazingly, for once in her life. “So, uh. What’re you guys up to in this...corner of the basement?” Nice. Smooth. Not at all creepy. 

Dejun’s nose crinkles—what the fuck, she’s so pretty—and she tilts her head toward the other end of the basement. “Yangyang brought a couple of games, you wanna play?” 

Yukhei is almost visibly vibrating, clearly excited. 

“We went to go get more drinks so we missed the round they’re on, but when they redeal we can join in,” Dejun continues. She must notice the hesitance on Donghyuck’s face because she amends, “Or you could just sit and watch! No pressure.” Another soft smile. “Would be cool to have you around though.” 

Donghyuck shrugs. “Sure? If I’m not intruding or anything, I mean.” Yukhei cheers and hooks her elbow with Donghyuck’s, assuring her _the more the merrier!_

They lead her over to a group of about six girls, seated in a circle around a coffee table in the far corner of the basement. She recognizes two of them, but the other four are new faces. 

Yeri looks up as they approach, perfect brows shooting up. “Hey, Donghyuck. You in next round?” Next to her, a girl Donghyuck sort of knows named Chaewon, pops the gum in her mouth and waves. 

Donghyuck stumbles a bit, not expecting the attention. She surveys the table—Cards Against Humanity, a game Donghyuck’s vaguely familiar with. “Oh, hi. Nah, just watching.” 

Yeri usually made her nervous, looking almost untouchably flawless all the time, but when Donghyuck makes eye contact with her again, she smiles warmly. Donghyuck feels her face getting hot. 

Dejun sits on the couch behind Chaewon and pats the seat next to her daintily. Donghyuck takes the seat, exhaling deeply. 

Yukhei sits down at the table next to a girl clad in a soft looking sweatshirt, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. The girl smiles up at Yukhei, eyes sparkling—which is like, so unfair. Donghyuck was struggling to keep her pulse under control in the company of just _two_ pretty girls, and now the number has upped to eight. What the fuck. 

If Donghyuck had ever questioned that she was a lesbian, she certainly wasn’t doing so _now_. 

One of the girls on the other side of the table shoots up suddenly, pointing at her pile of cards. Her auburn hair looks shiny under her baseball cap, and Donghyuck blinks, feeling overwhelmed. 

“Ha! That’s ten, I fucking _win_.” Whirling around suddenly to Yukhei—or rather, the dark haired girl next to Yukhei—Auburn Hair screams, “Ayo, Kunhang! Suck it, bitch!” 

The dark haired girl—Kunhang, allegedly—hides a squeaky laugh behind her hand. “Sure, Yangyang. Congrats.” She looks totally unbothered, leaning heavily on Yukhei for a second before she stands. “I’m out this round, deal my cards to Hei.”

The girl with the cap—Yangyang—sits back down, satisfied. She’s pretty too, t-shirt baring a pair of lips and band logo Donghyuck doesn’t recognize, smile bright and contagious as they gather up the cards, getting ready to play a new game. 

Dejun gets up, sending an apologetic look to Donghyuck, and plops herself next to Yukhei, who beams at her. Donghyuck is struck once again with just how gorgeous Yukhei is. Shit. 

Kunhang looks around, eyes landing on Donghyuck and brightening. She trots over to the couch and takes Dejun’s place. 

“Hi!” She wears a soft smile. “I’m Kunhang. Donghyuck, right? That’s what Yeri called you, anyway. I don’t think we’ve ever met before?”

Donghyuck nods, blushing again. She’s not drunk enough for this much social interaction. “Ah, no, we haven’t. These parties aren’t really my scene, though, so.” She’d also never been invited, but Kunhang didn’t need to know about that. 

Kunhang laughs, nodding. 

One of the girls below them, a blonde with multicolored butterfly clips scattered artfully throughout her hair and skin shimmering lightly, gets into a shouting match with Yangyang across the table. It’s probably not that serious, but Donghyuck tenses anyway. 

“I definitely get that. I wouldn’t have come if it was my choice, but Yukhei really wanted to, so here we are.” Another laugh. Kunhang seems to be full of them.

Something about her statement strikes Donghyuck as odd, but she doesn’t have time to question it as a couple of cards come flying their way. Yangyang and Shimmery Blonde’s shouting match has escalated, the two of them stood next to each other, oscillating between pointing at the cards left on the table and gesturing wildly. 

Donghyuck winces. “Should we stop them?”

Kunhang shrugs. “Who knows. They get like this over everything, really. Best to just let them fight it out. I doubt they’ll play another round, though.” 

Dejun is sighing, picking up stray cards and packing them back into the box, muttering to herself. Yeri, Chaewon, and the last girl Donghyuck doesn’t recognize, whose hair is bright orange and curly, have claimed another couch and are chatting idly with each other. Yukhei helps pick up the rest of the cards and makes her way over to Donghyuck and Kunhang, pulling the latter onto her lap. 

Kunhang snuggles back into her, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Hey, babe,” she murmurs, and oh, no. Yukhei beams and kisses her on the mouth. Donghyuck feels cold all of a sudden. “Wh—Donghyuck, you okay?”

Donghyuck is standing, which, what? When did she do that? Her legs and hands are shaking, and she needs to get out of here, now. “Yea, sorry, uh. Bathroom. Sorry.” 

Stumbling past the others, she finds her way up the stairs leading up to the kitchen, barely registering the people loitering by the door. She leans against the counter for support, breathing shakily. 

She needs to find Renjun, and Mark and Jisung, they have to leave—

“Donghyuck?” No. _No_. 

Donghyuck whirls around to the source of the voice and sees two things: Jaemin Na, and absolute red. She spies a couple of half empty red solo cups next to her and picks one up, tossing its entire contents onto Jaemin’s stupid white shirt. “Fuck you!”

Jaemin stands, open-mouthed and arms out. Her eyes narrow as the shock fades. “Excuse me?”

Donghyuck goes to grab another cup from the counter. “You heard me. _Fuck_ you. God forbid I have one thing you don’t set me up for failure with, right? Just one?” 

She steps forward as Jaemin steps back, face red and tips of her hair wet. Donghyuck tosses the second cup, this time getting her face as well, and Jaemin lets out a strangled noise. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Donghyuck? Oh my god, my _hair_ , what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Suddenly there are arms holding back her own. She glances side to side to see Jeno on her left and Renjun on her right, Mark and Jisung further behind them, standing in the doorway, jaws slack. She’d go talk to them but she hasn’t gotten out everything she wants to say. 

“What, is this payback? Is this you continuing to fuck me over from freshman year? Didn’t get enough of humiliating me back then?” 

Jaemin’s brow furrows and Donghyuck’s blood boils. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, wh—”

The music from the living room has been lowered and they’ve gathered a crowd. _Donghyuck_ has gathered a crowd, Jesus, and Renjun is tugging her towards the door on the other side of the kitchen, whispering in her ear, things like _let it go_ and _it’s not the time_ and _we gotta go, now_. They stumble past the group in the kitchen—the group of strangers, fuck, Donghyuck really doesn’t belong here—and make it outside, taking the sidewalk back to the front of the house. 

Donghyuck doesn’t realize she’s been crying until the cool night air hits the tear tracks on her face. She doesn’t spare a look back at anyone as they leave, and she knows how she must look: tipsy and in tears and being rushed out by her friends. Looks like their welcome at these parties is over. 

Once they reach Renjun’s car, Donghyuck is ushered into the backseat, Jisung heading around to the other side to sit next to her. Jisung wraps her arms around her, forgoing both of their seatbelts, and pets her hair. She exchanges glances with Mark and Renjun in the front, and after some sort of silent conversation that Donghyuck misses out on, the car starts and they pull off. 

The ride is silent save for Donghyuck crying, and Mark switches on the radio. There’s a sharp ache in Donghyuck’s chest as she recognizes the song, the same one that had been playing on the ride to Jaemin’s house, all the way back to when they’d first studied there together. Donghyuck can’t help but curl further into Jisung’s embrace. 

She feels silly for it, but the ride back to Mark’s gives her time to reminisce. Her first real letdown in a series of them from Jaemin still feels like it happened yesterday. 

(Donghyuck was so excited. They were going to a concert, a _real_ one, without either of their parents trailing behind them. It was some nameless local band, but the point was they’d be allowed to go alone for the first time in their fourteen years of living. Holy shit. 

She’d gotten dressed up, hair freshly dyed (a temporary) pink, courtesy of her mom. She’d even put on lip gloss, the fancy one she’d stolen from her sister. This was serious, they’d been planning this for weeks. 

Except, it was half an hour before they were meant to leave, and Jaemin wasn’t answering her messages, or her calls. Jaemin had flaked out on her for smaller things, but she’d never forgotten something this big, and though Donghyuck trusted her, she was getting a little worried. 

Fifteen minutes later and still no sign of Jaemin, Donghyuck was more than a little worried. She was panicking, and shooting texts to Jaemin, and calling Jaemin’s phone to no avail until—

“Hello?” Jaemin sounded breathless and far away and yet Donghyuck was so relieved she could cry. 

“Oh my god, Jaem, where are you?”

“What do you—shut up, I’m on the phone—what do you mean, Hyuckie?” Donghyuck then noticed the other voices in the background, idle chatter and laughter and what sounded like dishes rattling. “I’m at the cafe meeting with my project group for English. Why? You left a ton of calls, are you okay?”

Donghyuck tried to fight the wave of panic flooding her. Jaemin really had forgotten, today of all days. Shit. _Shit_. “I’m okay, but. I thought you were, we were supposed to...I don’t…” She couldn’t get the sentences out that she needed to, throat clogging up. This was really happening. 

“Hey, Hyuck, sorry, I gotta go. Can I call you back later? We’ve got a ton to do, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye!” Jaemin punctuated her sentence with a _mwah_ and Donghyuck was met with silence again. She stared at the phone in her hand, mouth open. 

Jaemin was a little forgetful, sure, and somewhat unreliable at times when she promised her commitment to too many things at once, but she’d never forgotten something this big before. 

They’d promised each other they would make time for each other once high school started, pinky-promised and everything. Donghyuck felt a little childish now for believing in that. It hadn’t taken Jaemin long to find friends—she’d always been charismatic to a fault, and was in more advanced classes than Donghyuck herself, and it was really only a matter of time before Jaemin left her for good. 

Donghyuck sat down at the edge of her driveway, refusing to acknowledge the stinging in her eyes. She was glad no one was home because she didn’t think she could face her mom or Dongyoung right now. She looked up when she heard someone passing by. 

The girl from a few houses down, whose name she thought began with an M, stopped in front of her on her skateboard. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Her voice was soft, like she didn’t want to scare or upset Donghyuck. The thought alone caused the tears to finally hit. “Whoa, whoa, oh god. Please don’t cry? Hey, it’s okay, oh my god—” Suddenly there were hands in her hair and at her back, the girl shushing her gently. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s—there’s,” Donghyuck tried, voice caught in her throat again. 

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s okay, yea? You’re fine.” The girl sat down next to Donghyuck, feet on her board, and smiled a little awkwardly. “Um, I’m Mark. Your sister comes to my house sometimes to see mine. Hyuck, right?”

Donghyuck nodded, sniffling. “Donghyuck, actually.”

Mark beamed, holding out her hand. Donghyuck took it, smiling a bit for the first time. “Wanna come to mine?” she asked. “I just got some new games and I need a player 2.”

Donghyuck felt herself about to cry once again, and accepted. It couldn’t be worse than sitting on the pavement, sobbing, and Mark had been nice enough to invite her, despite them never talking before. 

Entering Mark’s house felt like coming home for some odd reason. The walls were littered with pictures of Mark and her older sister, postcards from random cities, and paintings that someone in the house must have done themselves. 

“Your parents aren’t home?” Donghyuck asked a bit nervously, looking around. 

“Ah, it’s actually just me and Johnny here. My parents are overseas for work right now.” Donghyuck’s eyes widened. They had the house to themselves? “I’m gonna get things set up, make yourself at home.” 

Hours later, Mark demanded a break, flopping next to her on the couch. Donghyuck laughed. For someone with a playstation, Mark kind of sucked at gaming. 

Donghyuck felt loads better, tears dried and mouth stuck in a semi permanent smile now. Mark was good company, easy to tease, and they had a lot in common. 

She leaned her arm back against the couch and put her bag in her lap, pulling out her phone. She frowned, her mood plummeting again. Six missed calls from Jaemin. 

“Hey, should we order a pizza?” Mark was looking at her, probably noticing her furrowed brow. 

Donghyuck considered the missed calls, and then the ache in her chest she’d had since earlier that day. Tossing her phone into her bag again, she smiled up at Mark. Jaemin could deal with being forgotten this time. “Hell, yea.”)

As they pull into Mark’s driveway, Donghyuck feels drained and embarrassed. It isn’t the first time her friends have seen her cry, but she doesn’t make it a habit. Renjun meets her eyes in the rearview mirror and Donghyuck can barely stand the pity making its way onto her face. 

They stop in the kitchen for a short while. Jisung is still by Donghyuck’s side, petting her hair gently. Renjun is rummaging through the fridge, tossing water bottles to Mark as she goes, who dutifully hands them out. 

Donghyuck opens hers, downing half of it in one go. Renjun shoos them over to the kitchen table, ramen packets in one hand and the other switching on the stove. 

The four of them eat in silence, Donghyuck refusing to look up at the others. She doesn’t wanna talk about it, at least not now, and they’re respecting that. Donghyuck can almost feel Renjun’s eyes on her again, though, and knows she’ll be bombarded with questions in the morning. 

Later, when they’re laid out on the floor in Mark’s bedroom, pillows and blankets surrounding them, Mark’s hand finds Donghyuck’s in the dark. She pulls Donghyuck closer, cuddling her head into her side, and starts stroking her thumb along the back of Donghyuck’s hand. 

Donghyuck lets a secret smile find its way onto her face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh here it is, the last chap :O i hope y'all like it, pls lmk what u think!! i hope it's a satisfying end hehe <3 pls leave a kudos n a comment if you would like, i'd love to know how y'all feel!!

Somehow Donghyuck wakes up underneath a series of splayed out limbs, unsure entirely of what belongs to who. She shoves past the limbs, careful not to wake any of her friends. Grabbing her phone off the charger, she makes her way down the hall to the kitchen. 

Donghyuck’s been in this house so many times it’s started to feel like her own. Sighing tiredly, she pulls a cup down to get some juice. 

Orange juice and half a bagel she’d found and toasted in hand, Donghyuck finds herself at the dining table, yawning and finally checking her phone. There’s several messages from a number she doesn’t recognize.

> From (Unknown Number)  
>  _hey this is jeno!!!_
> 
> _mark gave me ur number dw im not stalking u ;—;_
> 
> _anyway u need to talk to jaemin  
>  idk what happened w/ u two but..._
> 
> _shes super upset and confused and im sure ur not happy rn either. pls talk to her???_

Donghyuck scowls into her cup. There’s no way she wants to talk to—let alone apologize to—Jaemin. She has nothing to apologize _for_ —although, ruining Hyunjin’s party was kind of shitty, so maybe she can ask Jeno to be the go-between and apologize for her. Also, she definitely walked out on Yukhei and her friends as well, so—yea. Maybe Donghyuck does have some things to say sorry for.

But not to Jaemin Fucking Na. 

“Oh!” 

Donghyuck whips her head around at the sound. Standing in the doorway to the kitchen is Kun, hair messy and pulled back, dressed in an oversized hoodie that undoubtedly belongs to Johnny. She flushes, smiling at Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck (and probably everyone else in the house) knows Kun spent the night with Johnny but she won’t mention it to her face. She’s nice like that. 

(The tiny voice in the back of her head sounds suspiciously like Jaemin as it laughs at her.)

“I didn’t realize anyone else was up.”

“I haven’t been up for long,” Donghyuck assures her. She lifts the bagel in one hand. “Hungry?” 

Kun laughs, making her way to the table and sitting down. “No thanks. I’m really more of a pancake person.” She rests her chin on her hands. “Speaking of which, we were thinking of going to the diner down the road for,” she checks her watch, “brunch. You guys wanna tag along? Johnny says she’s paying.”

The diner ‘down the road’ isn’t really the best phrase for the place Donghyuck knows Kun is talking about. It’s more like six or so miles away, but it’s become such a staple for all of them, especially when Johnny is around. 

Donghyuck loves Johnny. She feels as much family to her as Dongyoung does, and she’s always had Donghyuck’s back. But that usually means it takes about twenty seconds for Johnny to read her mood, and Donghyuck doesn’t exactly feel like spilling her feelings everywhere. She barely knows what she’s feeling anyway. 

“I don’t know if we should—”

Kun places her hand on Donghyuck’s arm, cutting her off mid protest. She smiles a little, eyeing her knowingly. “Hyuck, why don’t you come along? It’s been a while.” And something in Donghyuck just breaks. 

Her face crumples a bit, and she knows Kun notices, so she shoves her bagel into her mouth, buying some time. The awkward silence (plus the loud sounds of her chewing) make her cringe, but it’s better than crying on Kun. Probably. 

She eventually looks back up at Kun and shrugs, trying to act nonchalant and not like she’s two seconds from falling apart. “Sure. I’ll ask the others.” 

Kun beams at her, gleam in her eyes. “No need to,” she says, “cause I already sent Johnny to wake them up.” 

Donghyuck splutters. “You knew I would say yes the whole time didn’t you?” She sets the rest of her bagel on the table, mouth hanging open. 

Kun is terrifying, and amazing, and kind of adorable when she makes a face at Donghyuck as if to say _I dunno, you tell me._ Donghyuck shakes her head. She can’t wait ‘til Johnny and Kun graduate and get married like she’s sure they have plans to, because she’s almost certain they’ll have a bunch of dimpled, evil mastermind children. Donghyuck just hopes they don’t ask her to babysit. 

“Okay,” Donghyuck says, pushing herself up from her seat at the table. “Lemme go get dressed then.” 

She finds her way back to Mark’s bedroom, the rest of her friends waking up at different speeds. Mark is already up and off the floor, digging through her dresser and tossing around what looks like half of its contents. Renjun is sitting up groggily while Jisung snores, sprawled out next to her. 

Donghyuck tiptoes past them, plopping herself on the bed next to their clothes from last night and pulling her knees up to her chest. Hopefully once Mark is finished doing...whatever it is she’s doing, she won’t mind Donghyuck stealing some of her clothes. Otherwise she gets to choose between her skirt and the sleep shorts she’d borrowed the night before, neither of which appeal to her. 

Although the sweet older lady who always greets them at the door would probably call her adorable either way, which is always nice. 

“Babe, have you seen my green sweater? Or like...any of my flannels?” Mark calls over her shoulder, still rifling through her drawers with a confused look on her face. “I literally just did my laundry last week.”

Renjun yawns from her spot on the floor. “Sweater’s at Jisung’s, and I stole the last flannel when I was here on Thursday. Don’t you remember?” 

Renjun pushes herself off of the carpet, moving to Mark’s closet, where she pulls out a—noticeably non-green—sweater, tugging it on over her sports bra. She grabs her jeans from the night before off of the bed, planting a kiss on Donghyuck’s head before pulling them on. Donghyuck tosses her a soft smile. 

“Jun, seriously?” Mark whines, turning around fully. “You have your own shirts. I’ve bought some of them for you.” 

“Those don’t smell like you, though.” 

Donghyuck watches in awe as Mark’s entire face flushes, red blooming fast and hard and spreading to her neck. She spins on a heel, facing her dresser and refolding a pair of jeans. 

“That’s not—I don’t,” Mark tries. Renjun is smirking from where she stands next to the bed, and Mark won’t look her in the eye. 

Donghyuck snorts. “Mark, you guys have been dating for like, two and a half years. Why are you getting so shy?” Man, Mark and Renjun are her favorite couple ever. If only for the sole reason that they’re two opposite shades of absolute ridiculousness and meet in the middle perfectly anyway. 

“I’m not shy,” Mark explains, ears still crimson. “She’s just—it’s embarrassing!” She huffs, holding up two t-shirts. “Hyuck, which one do you want?” 

Donghyuck shrugs, and Mark tosses her the darker one. Donghyuck is pretty sure it belonged to her once anyway. 

They’ve all been friends for far too long for something like that to really matter, clothes finding their way into different closets and dressers at least once every few weeks. Renjun is notorious for stealing clothing in bulk, though, and Donghyuck has had to track down her favorite hoodies more than once. 

Mark finds her some soft-looking jeans as well, which Donghyuck is thankful for. She itches to wear something she finds comfy again, and the skirt she’d worn last night just...wasn’t. 

Jisung finally stirs, rubbing her eyes and yawning. It takes her a bit to sit up, and when she opens her eyes they land on Donghyuck’s, and—oh, no no no. Jisung looks like she’s going to cry and Donghyuck absolutely cannot handle that this morning. She quickly says, “Johnny’s taking us out to eat, so get dressed.” 

At that, Jisung blinks, face lighting up. “The place down the road?” Mark nods, tossing her a t-shirt. “Fuck yea, they’ve got the best sandwiches.” 

Somehow this sparks an argument between Mark and Jisung about what counts as a breakfast food, because they’re fucking ridiculous, and can’t go more than five minutes with bickering. Donghyuck tunes it out, mostly just glad that Jisung isn’t giving her those sad doe eyes again. 

Renjun sits down on the bed next to her, tugging her sleeve. Donghyuck looks over at her, noticing the questioning look on her face. 

“You gonna tell us what happened last night?” Renjun asks. She has her soft voice on, the one she only ever uses when she’s trying to be particularly delicate about something. The one she uses when trying to give advice, or comfort one of them. 

Which she’s surprisingly good at, especially considering how good she is at threatening to maim them at the same time. It’s a balance with Renjun—like, she carries a switchblade with her, but she also scolds Jisung when she leaves the house without a jacket. 

Okay, Donghyuck might be stalling. 

She winces. She figured at some point she would have to talk it out with them but she was hoping to buy more time. Time she could use to buy a plane ticket to Antarctica instead of having this conversation. Do planes fly there? Would she have to swim instead? 

“Yea, uh,” she starts, looking down at Mark’s bed. “It was nothing really, I was drunk—”

“You had two drinks and some wine, love,” Renjun cuts her off. “You weren’t drunk enough to forget you were fighting with Jaemin. Why not tell me the truth?” 

Donghyuck looks back up at her again. Renjun is giving her a look like she can see right through her, which as always is both unnerving and relieving. She doesn’t have to lie to Renjun, or to any of them really, because they already know her better than anyone else in the world. Sometimes better than she knows herself, even. She takes a long breath. “Yukhei has a girlfriend.” 

There’s a yelp from next to them as Jisung trips on her way to the bed, slamming her elbow into the bedside table. “Fuck, _ow_!”

Donghyuck shoots an arm out instinctually, not even sure how to help. “Oh, Jesus, Sungie—”

“No, no,” Jisung wheezes from the floor, cradling one arm with the other. She’s scrunching up her face in pain but looks determined nonetheless. “Don’t change the subject. You said what?”

_Ugh_ , this is why Donghyuck hadn’t wanted to bring this up to anyone. It’s fucking embarrassing, leftover humiliation filling her once again and making her cringe. 

“Yukhei has a girlfriend,” she explains, playing with her hands. “I met her last night when they were playing games in a group. Actually, I met a lot of Yukhei’s friends. They were nice but,” Donghyuck looks around; her friends are watching her expectantly. “I didn’t really wanna spend time with my crush and her girlfriend.”

Renjun scoffs, rolling her eyes. “God, what a concept. I wish everyone felt that way about their crush’s girlfriends.” Donghyuck shoves her shoulder lightly, and Renjun pouts, wrapping her arms around Donghyuck’s neck. “Right, sorry. This is about you. So then, with Jaemin…?”

“She told me she would help me ask Yukhei out,” Donghyuck says, face twisting. “Well, kind of. She told me coming to these parties would give me a chance? Which was obviously a bust, so she must have known.” 

Donghyuck isn’t sure why saying that feels so wrong, since it’s most likely true. Something in the back of her head reminds her that even though they fight, often and passionately, Jaemin’s never once been outright malicious. 

Which just makes her feel worse about their fight last night, so she pushes it to the corner of her brain labeled ‘For Later’. (She rarely opens it, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Donghyuck makes eye contact with Mark, who’s looking at her with a mix of pity and...something else that she doesn’t entirely recognize. Out of the corner of her eye she watches Jisung and Renjun frown at each other and it makes the pile of rocks in the pit of her stomach feel even heavier, somehow. 

“Hyuck,” Mark starts gently. Donghyuck startles, not expecting her to speak. “I dunno what you think Jaemin knew, but she looked just as confused and hurt last night as you did. Don’t interrupt me,” she scolds, frowning and holding up a hand. “I’m serious; she looked like she’d gotten her heart broken or something. And with what happened at Jeno’s party, I’m sure she was just confused.”

Donghyuck’s heart drops to her feet. What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean? “Wha—”

“Are y’all ready to go or what?” Johnny pops her head in the door, making eye contact with Donghyuck and raising a brow. “Hey. Am I interrupting something?” 

Mark springs into action, spinning away from the bed to face the door. “We’re coming, just give us a sec.” She grabs a baseball cap and a beanie from her dresser, tossing the latter to Renjun, who catches it in one hand and disentangles herself from Donghyuck. 

Jisung jumps up from the floor and starts dressing as quickly as possible, stumbling as she tries to pull her jeans on and move towards the door at the same time. 

Donghyuck follows suit a little dazedly, mind racing. She steals a hair tie from Jisung to pull her hair out of her face and dresses quickly. She feels unsettled and isn’t even sure where to start with Mark’s comment. 

The mention of Jeno reminds her of the texts she’d woken up to, and her stomach twists again. She should probably deal with that, she thinks. Preferably when Renjun was out of earshot. 

Donghyuck pulls Mark aside on their way out of the house, letting the others pass them. Mark looks confused but lets her, waving ahead an equally befuddled Renjun. She turns fully toward Donghyuck and nods once, silently asking what the problem is.

“Um, so,” Donghyuck says, wringing her hands. “Jeno texted me this morning? And it sounds like she wants to talk. Or,” she tilts her head to the side, “she wants me to talk to Jaemin, I guess, which I don’t want to do. Thoughts?” 

Mark bites her lip, thinking for a second. “Well you should definitely talk to Jeno,” she says, huffing out a little laugh. “Maybe invite her to the diner? You guys could talk there, and she could join us for food. I’m sure Johnny wouldn’t mind.” 

Donghyuck squints. She loves Mark, she really does, but the other girl could be super fucking dense sometimes. “I don’t think that’s the best idea. I could meet her later today, though, if you think talking in person is a good idea. If I could, like, get a ride maybe…?”

“Sure, just lemme know. I won’t bring anyone else along, if secrecy is what you’re getting at,” Mark assures, shaking her head. “I’ll just drop you off.” 

“Thanks,” Donghyuck breathes. Mark nods, smiling, and gently grabs her hand and starts for the door again. 

Donghyuck thinks it’s entirely possible that she’s getting another headache.

✿

They don’t talk about the night before at the diner. No one even brings it up, and Donghyuck is both relieved and stressed. They talk about pretty much anything else, all the way from Kun’s classes this semester and why she’d chosen them, to a show that Jisung had started and couldn’t wait for the next season of. 

(“Seriously, it’s like, so good, you guys. I need you all to watch it.” 

“Does the main character die? You know I won’t even start it if they do.” 

“...I guess that depends on how you define main character?”

“ _Jisung_.”)

They don’t talk about the elephant in the room, and Donghyuck can feel it staring pointedly at her throughout the entire meal. 

She sends a text back to Jeno asking if they can meet later, and Jeno responds, saying she’ll be home the whole day if Donghyuck wants to stop by. She doesn’t, but there’s no need to be rude and actually tell Jeno that. There are some things she needs answers to and she figures a well of information like Jeno is a good place to start. 

Johnny drops them back off at the house, telling them she’ll be back later, which is basically code for _I’m going to spend the afternoon making out with my girlfriend and I don’t need you motherfuckers interrupting me_. 

Donghyuck snorts and waves them goodbye, following the rest of her friends back into the house. She’s really lucky she has people like Johnny and Kun, who somehow just know when she needs a distraction or pick-me-up. It makes her ache to see her own sister, heart feeling heavy again. 

Dongyoung living on campus was possibly the worst thing she could’ve done to Donghyuck—and Donghyuck tells her so, often—but she doesn’t feel like dwelling on it now. She’s cried a bit too much in the past twenty-four hours. 

She could seriously use some of Dongyoung’s top notch advice right now, though. 

Donghyuck enters Mark’s bedroom to see Renjun and Jisung packing their things up in their backpacks, chattering with each other and tossing items of clothing back and forth as they find them around the room. Mark is sitting on her bed, scrolling through her phone, giving a ‘hmm’ or a ‘yea’ in answer to the two of them as their conversation progresses. 

“Hyuck, here,” Renjun says, passing her the skirt she’d left on the floor the night before. “I already gave the tights back to Sung. You coming to the movies with us later?” 

Donghyuck thanks her, stuffing her clothing into the bag by the door. She then registers the question Renjun had asked her. “Oh, no, I’ve got some family stuff on today,” she lies. It makes her feel guilty almost immediately but Donghyuck really doesn’t need to give Renjun another reason to hate Jeno. 

“Mm, okay. Tell Dohee I say hi, then,” Renjun says, pouting a bit. Donghyuck grins and tells her she will. 

Renjun tells her all the time that if she and Donghyuck weren’t best friends, she would spend all her time with Donghyuck’s younger sister instead. She feels guilty again and makes a promise to herself to actually pass along the message. 

Donghyuck knows Mark will drop Renjun and Jisung off at home before coming back and taking her to Jeno’s place, and she’s never been more thankful that their houses are on the same street. She needs a moment alone to sit, and think, and _breathe_ , and not have people around her trying to get to the bottom of her feelings. 

She can’t even get to the bottom of her own feelings, she thinks, walking back to her own house. She waves her friends goodbye as Mark pulls out of the driveway and lets out a deep breath as they drive away. 

She pops her head in her sister’s room when she gets home, letting her know that Renjun says hello, and no, she’s not here, and yes, she will text Renjun and ask when she’ll be here next. Donghyuck chuckles a bit to herself as she closes the door and walks back to the living room. Fuck. Today is going to be a day. 

She plants herself face down on the couch and waits.

✿

“So you and Jeno are pretty good friends, huh?” Donghyuck fiddles with the radio, asking the question a little absentmindedly. Everything on her favorite stations sounds a little too emotional, break-up song after break-up song, so Donghyuck gives up and grabs the aux cord. 

Mark hums. “Yea, I think so. We started talking in geometry sophomore year, and just...never stopped? She’s cool, we’re bros.” Mark shrugs, checking the rearview mirror. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason, you just seem to like each other, is all,” Donghyuck says a bit lamely, shrugging back. She won’t tell Mark, but it’s a little wild to her how close she is with Jeno, especially with Renjun’s whole one-sided hostility thing going on. Which wasn’t Mark’s fault or anything, but it was amazing how oblivious she could be. 

She sees Jeno’s place coming into view and takes a shaky little breath. Time to do this. Fuck, she _really_ doesn’t want to, but. 

Maybe it’s time Donghyuck starts taking matters into her own hands. 

Donghyuck sends Jeno a text, letting her know she’s outside, and waits for a moment before turning to Mark. “Thanks for the ride,” she says quietly, feeling a little anxious. “Please don’t let anyone know I’m here.”

Mark nods, laughing. “Yea, yea. Will do, Secret Agent Lee.” Donghyuck snorts. Mark waves her out of the car when she sees Jeno standing outside the front door. Donghyuck holds a fist up through the open passenger window and Mark knocks her own against it with a smile. “Text me if you need a ride back, okay? I’ll make it work.” 

Donghyuck nods, sending her a wave before she jogs up the path to the front door, stopping in front of Jeno. She greets Jeno a bit shyly, scratching the back of her neck. 

“Hey, Hyuck. Come on in,” Jeno says, smiling pleasantly. She looks like she’s been active today, hair up in a ponytail and workout leggings on. “Oh, careful of the cats, they can’t be outside.” 

“Wh—oh!” Donghyuck walks through the door only to be stopped by the three cats weaving their way around her legs. They’re adorable, all different colors and soft looking fur, and she’s almost afraid to move. She chances a step forward, watching as they move with her, and decides to accept her fate as a cat whisperer. 

Well, if Donghyuck has to move out of the country and change her name to avoid everything happening, it’s nice to know she’ll have career options in her new life. 

Jeno leads her to her bedroom on the second floor, chatting a bit about her day. Donghyuck listens along, nodding when she needs to. Jeno tells her to _sit wherever’s comfy_ , and Donghyuck hesitates a bit before noticing the armchair in the corner. Probably a safe bet. Jeno flops down onto her bed and smiles up at her, waiting. 

Fuck, Donghyuck has to speak first. She has zero idea what to say or where to start; it feels like everything she’d thought of on the way over has left her mind completely. She kind of feels like panicking again, which is always cool. She clears her throat, looking down at her hands. 

Jeno doesn’t make a sound, waiting for her. Jeno’s nice like that. 

“So,” Donghyuck starts, a little awkwardly. “Your, um, texts. We should...start there, probably.” She shifts a little in her seat, trying to find a position in the plush chair that looks natural, that doesn’t make it seem like she wants to bolt at any second. She’s clearly not doing a great job if the look on Jeno’s face is anything to go by. 

“We can start there,” Jeno agrees gently. “What made you upset enough to start throwing drinks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that level of violence towards a red solo cup before.” She giggles, and Donghyuck would be annoyed if it was anyone else. 

Donghyuck tries not to feel like she’s being interrogated, but it’s hard when Jeno looks at her like she knows all of her secrets. Is Donghyuck seriously that easy to read, or does she actually spend all of her time with fucking mind readers? 

“Jaemin was—okay, well I _thought_ , at least, that she was trying to...sabotage me with Yukhei?” Donghyuck realizes the words sound stupid outside of her own head and scrambles to explain. “Like, she said that if I tutored her, I could get an invite to some of these parties. Because...because Yukhei would be there, and it would give me a chance to ask her out.” Okay, that doesn’t make it sound less stupid. Donghyuck meets eyes with Jeno again. “But Yukhei already has a girlfriend.” 

Jeno frowns. “Of course Yukhei has a girlfriend? They’ve been dating for like half a year.” She taps her chin in thought for a second and lets out a little _ah._ “Jaemin and Yukhei aren’t really friends, so I guess I’m not surprised she didn’t know that. Kunhang doesn’t hang out with us that often, anyway.” 

Donghyuck isn’t really sure what to do with that information, confusion hitting her in full force again. “Jaemin and Yukhei aren’t friends? But then why did she—” Donghyuck stops, flushing. “She just...made it seem like they were close.”

Jeno snorts. “Of course she did.” Donghyuck must make a face because Jeno shakes her head, grinning. “Jaemin likes to play up her connections, sometimes, if it gets her what she needs. To be fair, they know _of_ each other. Like, we’ve all hung out before. But just because I’m friends with both doesn’t mean they’re friends with each other, ya know?” Jeno is still grinning, looking terribly amused. 

And this all makes sense to Donghyuck, actually. Jaemin needed a tutor, and she knew a way to get Donghyuck on her side would be offering an in like talking to Yukhei. Fuck. She really doesn’t know what to do with that, or why it kind of makes her chest ache again. A thought occurs to her. “Wait, so how are you so close with Yukhei, then?” 

“Ah, we used to carpool freshman year,” Jeno says brightly. “Plus, she introduced me to my girlfriend!”

Record scratch. Holy _shit_. “Wait, you have a girlfriend? Who?” Donghyuck realizes that now she’s the one interrogating and shakes her head. “Sorry, you don’t have to tell me, I just. I didn’t know.”

Jeno just laughs and waves her off. “No, it’s fine. Her name is Yangyang, she used to go to the same school Kunhang does now. She was at Hyunjin’s party, but I didn’t get to see her much,” she explains, looking disappointed. “I was kind of...occupied.” 

Donghyuck tilts her head in confusion. “Occupied?” She thinks for a second, trying to remember who Yangyang is. The name sounds familiar, and a lightbulb pops over her head. Right, the bouncy auburn haired girl. She and Sparkly Blonde had gotten into it around the table in Hyunjin’s basement. 

Jeno laughs again. “I was trying to keep Jaemin from doing something stupid,” she says, shifting around on her bed. She sits up and crosses her legs, giving Donghyuck a knowing look. “I love her, but she’s the type of person to take shots instead of talking to the girl she’s been pining over for _years_ ,” Jeno sighs, “which makes my life difficult too.” 

Pining? Jaemin is...pining? Over a girl? But that means she likes someone. Like, _really_ likes someone, if Jeno is to be believed. Donghyuck’s heart drops, and she’s not entirely sure why. There’s a confusingly heavy feeling in the bottom of her gut and it only grows the longer the two of them sit there in silence. 

It seems like Jeno is waiting for her to say something and she almost wants to ask who Jaemin is ‘pining’ over, but the idea of knowing kind of makes her nauseous. She’s not even sure Jeno would tell her, anyway. 

“That...sucks. Sorry,” Donghyuck says, heart twisting weirdly in her chest. She kind of feels the urge to flee again. Maybe Antarctica isn’t far away enough for an escape. Maybe she should try sneaking into NASA, stealing a spaceship, and launching herself out of the solar system completely. That’d be cool. “Hope she finds the courage to talk to whoever it is.” For some reason, she can’t think of anything she hopes for less. 

Donghyuck looks back up at the sound Jeno makes, something between a scoff and a laugh. Jeno’s got a brow raised, looking at Donghyuck like she’s almost amazed. 

“You really don’t know, do you?” she asks, confusing Donghyuck further. Donghyuck makes a face. “Oh my god, you two are incredible.” 

God. Donghyuck is so fucking over everyone treating her like a child, or like she can’t see what’s in front of her even though it’s obvious. Like she’s _naive_ , or oblivious. She came here to get answers and talk things out but this is getting ridiculous and she feels more confused now than ever. 

“I don’t know what the fuck that means, Jeno,” she says. She knows she sounds upset, and she fucking is, at this point. Satisfaction curls in her at the apologetic look she gets. 

Jeno holds her hands up in front of her, as if she’s trying to placate Donghyuck. Which like, rude, Donghyuck’s not a spooked animal—but she is pissed off right now, so. Fair. 

“Sorry, I’m not trying to sound like a dick, okay?” Jeno’s looking at her like she expects Donghyuck to start yelling. “But, I mean, especially with what happened at the last party here, it’s kinda hard for me not to think you’re both being ridiculous.” 

“Again, what the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean? Because Mark brought up the party too, and so did Jaemin, and no one will tell me what happened that’s so damn bad,” Donghyuck says, throwing her hands up. She’s definitely got a headache now and wishes people would just start saying what they mean. “I have no idea what you’re all trying to say.”

Jeno squints for a moment, brow furrowing, before her face lights up, mouth forming a little ‘o’. “Donghyuck, how drunk were you that night?” she blurts out, before seeming to think better of it. “Or I guess, how much do you remember?”

Donghyuck rolls her eyes. Why is that even relevant, seriously? She gets it, she went a little (or a lot) hard that night, but she knows she’s not the only one. “I remember getting here, saying hi to Jaemin, drinks with you, and then beer pong,” she says, getting a sense of deja vu. It’s like she’s said this a thousand times by now. “After that is just gone. I had a lot to drink that night.”

Jeno smiles a bit threateningly, leaning forward. “So I guess you don’t remember you and Jaemin making out then?” 

Huh. 

No, seriously. What? They fucking _what_? Is that why Jaemin had looked so sad at the diner, why she’d been so afraid to know what Donghyuck remembered? Jesus Christ, Donghyuck had kissed Jaemin—and clearly Jaemin had kissed back, and she really has no fucking clue what to do with that. 

She doesn’t know why she doesn’t immediately hate the idea, either. Fuck. The labeled box in the back of her brain is spilling its contents everywhere at the moment. 

Donghyuck feels more than a bit nauseous, now, and can’t make the words come out of her throat. She tries anyway, croaking, “Sorry?”

Jeno looks a little too much like a satisfied cat, shrugging. Maybe Donghyuck misheard her, because there’s no way she would forget kissing anyone, let alone Jaemin Na. Her first kiss, she thinks a little distantly, touching her fingers to her lips. She just barely registers Jeno getting off of her bed and coming towards her, and wow, when did her hands start shaking? That’s fun. That’s great, and cool and also fine. 

Suddenly there are hands on her knees, and Donghyuck looks up to see Jeno crouched in front of her. She looks less amused now, lips pulled down a bit in the corners and eyes shining with concern. 

“Hyuck, are you okay?” Jeno asks, rubbing her knees with her hands. “I seriously thought you knew, and you were just avoiding each other. I didn’t know you’d freak out, I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck lets out a pained noise. “But she...we studied the next day, and she never brought it up?” Jaemin had let her believe the wildest thing she’d done that night was bruise her shin. Why wouldn’t she have mentioned this? Was she scared—did she regret it? Was she embarrassed? Shit, Donghyuck hadn’t even considered that, yet. Her cheeks burn. “Maybe it was an accident,” she suggests a little weakly. “We probably didn’t mean to, we were drunk.” 

Because there’s no other conceivable reason Donghyuck can come up with for her and Jaemin to—do that. To do that and for everyone (minus Donghyuck) to know about it, with no one _saying_ anything. Like it was inevitable. Like they expected it. 

Donghyuck makes eye contact with Jeno and finds her giving her the most deadpan stare she’s ever seen on anyone. Somewhere in the back of her head she thinks that if Renjun ever got over her whole...thing with Jeno, the two of them could probably be very good friends. Actually, scratch that. The world probably wouldn’t be able to handle their combined doneness. 

“I can’t believe how stupid you both are. No offense,” Jeno says, sitting back on the floor and stretching her legs out in front of her. “If the two of you would just talk to each other instead of having constant crises about each other, you could totally be making out anytime you want.” Somehow, Donghyuck flushes harder. 

“Why would I—” 

“I dunno, you tell me,” Jeno says, giving her a challenging look. “Why would you? For the record, Jaemin barely drank that night. She was too busy with the DDR tournament in the basement.” Jeno tilts her head. “Maybe instead of asking why you would kiss Jaemin, you should be asking why you already did. And why no one is surprised.”

And Donghyuck has no idea how to answer that. Why _isn’t_ anyone surprised? It just rolled off everyone’s back, and everyone else assumes that she knew about it in the first place. Shouldn’t they be a little more shocked, that Donghyuck was making out with her (admittedly self-proclaimed) rival? Her arch-nemesis? It might be a little childish to call Jaemin that, but she doesn’t have a word for her otherwise. 

‘Ex-best friend’ hurts a bit too much, and ‘friend’ feels...presumptuous. 

It’s so much easier to ignore the feelings that have been brewing in the pit of her stomach for the past few months if she continues to call Jaemin her rival, her enemy. If they fight, she doesn’t have to think about how warm the other girl makes her feel. If they’re arguing about something stupid she doesn’t have to think about how much she wants to…

Wants to what, exactly? 

Okay, so it might be time to officially open the ‘For Later’ box in her head, because even Donghyuck isn’t dumb enough to not see that she feels some sort of...less than hostile things for Jaemin. Oh, fuck. Does this mean what she thinks it means?

“Donghyuck?” Jeno is giving her a worried look. “You doing okay?”

“I think I’m in love with Jaemin,” Donghyuck blurts, heart speeding up. “I’m—Jesus Christ. I think, oh my god.” 

What the fuck, is that why she’s been fighting with her for so long? Is that why she was so hurt by that first time Jaemin forgot about her? Which is like, really pathetic, honestly. She can’t believe she’s been into Jaemin for that long, what the hell. 

Or longer, if she really lets herself think about it. (She’s not letting herself think about it.) 

Donghyuck can’t remember a time when she didn’t want Jaemin to look at her, to focus only on her. This is bad. 

And now it’s even worse, because she’s just spilled her guts out to Jaemin’s best friend. Something in her chest caves in. 

“Yea, I know,” Jeno says, rolling her eyes. “I’ve known that for a while, did you seriously just have that epiphany now?” Again, _rude_. Or it would be, if it was anyone other than Jeno, who’s never been anything but sweet to Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck looks at Jeno, sprawled out on the floor like she’s as comfy as possible. She looks unbothered, if not a bit confused, and Donghyuck smiles despite the panic rising in her. Jeno smiles back, eyes crinkling, and Donghyuck makes her decision right then and there. 

She may be a lot of things, but she’s not a fucking coward. (She might be a bit of a bullshitter, though.)

“Hey Jeno,” Donghyuck says, standing up. “Could you give me a ride somewhere?”

✿

They talk for a little while longer as they get ready to leave the house. 

Jeno asks what she’d meant when she’d yelled at Jaemin for freshman year, and Donghyuck winces. She explains—in as little detail as possible—that Jaemin had started ditching her for her other friends and classmates in the beginning of freshman year, leading to the end of their friendship. Thinking about it causes a wave of sadness to crash over her all over again. 

Jeno stops on their way down the stairs, giving Donghyuck a weird look. “That’s not the story I was told,” she says, sounding wary. 

Donghyuck squints at her, irritation flaring again. “And what were _you_ told?” Of course Jaemin changed the story to fit her own narrative, to make herself look better; she always had to paint Donghyuck as the villain, for fuck’s sake—

“I found her crying outside of school one day,” Jeno confesses, looking sad. Donghyuck’s brain short circuits. “She said her best friend had stopped talking to her out of nowhere and she didn’t know what to do. No texts, no calls, no explanation. Nothing.”

The rocks that have taken up residence in the bottom of Donghyuck’s stomach recently have returned in full force, somehow heavier than before. She made Jaemin cry? She feels awful, even though it’s been years since it happened. Sure, Donghyuck had cried at the time, but only because she’d thought Jaemin had forgotten her on purpose, forgotten because she didn’t care enough about Donghyuck to remember. 

She had no idea that Jaemin had been hurting too—she hadn’t even tried to reach out, blocking Jaemin from calling her and ignoring her during school hours. No wonder Jaemin didn’t like her either. 

“She told you it was me?” Donghyuck asks, barely a whisper. 

“No,” Jeno shakes her head, “but I’m not stupid. I figured it out pretty quickly, what with all the longing looks she sent your way.” She breathes out a laugh, looking back at Donghyuck. “She went through some pretty serious family shit during freshman year, and along with your friendship ending, I think she just...needed a friend. So I stepped up. 

Donghyuck’s face crumples, feeling nauseous, and Jeno places a hand on her shoulder. 

“I didn’t say this to make you feel bad, Donghyuck,” she assures. “It’s over and done with now, and I’m actually glad you’re back in her life. I’ve never seen her as happy as she is when she’s with you, even if you guys are bickering.” They start back down the stairs again. “Which is why you need to fix this—for both of you.” 

She’s right, and Donghyuck knows this, but it doesn’t make the knot in her chest loosen at all.

✿

Jeno agrees to drop Donghyuck off at the school, claiming, “If you’re looking for Jaemin on a weekend, she’s either tipsy in a basement or catching up on student council shit,” to which Donghyuck smiles and nods and doesn’t tell her it’s usually both. 

The amount of times Jaemin had shown up to study with Donghyuck and abandoned her chemistry almost immediately to work on her council projects was too damn high. It makes something fond and warm curl up inside her at the thought. 

Donghyuck kind of regrets asking Jeno for a ride once they pull out of the driveway. They hit a plastic garbage bin waiting at the bottom before they pull off, and things don’t get much better once they reach the main roads. 

“So you’re gonna tell her you love her, right?” Jeno says, swerving into a lane she’s _definitely_ not meant to be in, and swerving right back once she passes the couple of cars that were ahead of her. Donghyuck watches her life flash before her eyes for a second and laughs a little nervously. 

“I...don’t really know,” she says honestly. “I was just gonna apologize and see where it goes from there, I guess.” She’s so nervous, why is she so nervous? All she has to do is take accountability and hope beyond everything else that Jaemin accepts it—accepts _her_ —so they can move on. 

Jeno frowns, eyes flitting between her mirrors and the windshield. “If you don’t confess, I’m gonna do it for you,” she grumbles. “You have no idea how particularly annoying Jaemin has been these past few months. You guys need to get your shit together, or I’m stepping in.” 

And Donghyuck doesn’t need the sudden reminder about Jaemin pining, but there it is. She’d somehow let herself fall into one of those unrequited love situations, while Jaemin has been in love with some other girl for years. She’d _made out_ with Jaemin while she was in love with someone else, and for some reason Donghyuck can’t understand, Jeno still thinks she should confess. 

Not a chance. 

She does still need to apologize, she knows. If Donghyuck can’t have Jaemin the way that she wants—holy shit!—then she at least wants Jaemin to be in her life for as long as she can have her. God, she sounds so sappy and _pathetic_ and everything was so much easier when she hated Jaemin. 

(The tiny voice in the back of her mind rears its ugly head again, and Donghyuck bats it away with a broom.)

“Right,” Donghyuck says weakly. “We’ll get our shit together, I promise.”

Jeno doesn’t look convinced, a single eyebrow lifting. They weave in and out of traffic at a speed that’s definitely illegal and probably life-threatening, but Jeno looks totally at ease. She hums, eyes darting back to Donghyuck for a moment before she makes a sharp turn. 

Donghyuck lets out a little gurgle and holds onto her seatbelt a little more securely. 

“You know she cares about you, right?” Jeno says, one hand on the wheel. Donghyuck can barely hear her over her racing heart, making a mental note to never ask Jeno for a ride again. She’s really regretting not calling Mark. “Jaemin, I mean. You mean a lot to her; anyone can see that.” It looks like she’s trying to hold back from saying anything else and Donghyuck frowns a little. 

She doesn’t know that, actually, which is what makes this confrontation she’s about to have so scary. She fucked up, and she knows this, and she has no guarantee that she can fix it. It kind of makes her entire body thrum with fear that she could lose Jaemin in her life completely—especially considering she just got her back. 

Donghyuck folds her hands in her lap and doesn’t answer. 

They make a final few turns and pull into the parking lot. Jeno turns to Donghyuck and gives her an encouraging smile. “Seriously, you’ll be fine,” she says, lifting an arm to pat Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Go get your girl.” 

She wants to cry a bit but that would be embarrassing, so she just shoots a wobbly smile back at Jeno. “Thank you, uh, for everything.” She waves once she’s out of the car and watches Jeno pull out of the lot. 

Her heart hasn’t stopped racing.

✿

It takes about ten minutes for Donghyuck to figure out that she has no idea where the student council meets. 

Which, of course, is a bit of a problem, because Donghyuck has no idea where else Jaemin might be. She no longer plays any sports or does dance, she’s not in music or theatre, and she wasn’t at home. Her other options are pretty much zero. 

It’s entirely possible that Donghyuck is going over information she already knows in order to stall. Shit. 

She wanders through the lower halls for a little while before she decides to bite the bullet and ask for help. She looks around for signs of life—because who the fuck is at school on a Sunday—and pops her head through an open classroom door to find a girl she’s never seen before. 

The girl blinks, her short blonde hair bobbing as she looks up at Donghyuck. “Hi?” The girl’s voice is deeper than hers, husky and warm. Donghyuck immediately feels at ease. 

“Uh, hi,” she says. “This might be a dumb question, but where’s the student council room?” 

The girl laughs, lighting up her face, and Donghyuck notices her freckles. She’s adorable, almost pixie-like. “They’re on the third floor, room 306. I’m guessing you’re looking for someone?” 

“Yea, although I’m not sure if she’s gonna wanna see me.” _Okay, why is she being weirdly honest with the cute stranger? Stop talking, Donghyuck._ “I made her pretty upset.” _Or keep going. Sure._ “I’m a little scared that she hates me.” _Internal screaming, check._

Freckly Blonde seems to think for a moment, tapping her chin. She’s seated on the desktop in the front of the classroom, jean-clad legs swinging almost absentmindedly. She’s the perfect picture of calm, and Donghyuck can almost feel her anxiety easing bit by bit. 

“I think,” Freckly Blonde starts, “that if you’re important to each other—and it seems like you are—then you owe it to her to see what she thinks and how she feels about all of this.” She shrugs. “Takes two to be in a relationship. No matter what kind of relationship,” she amends, seeing Donghyuck’s expression. 

Donghyuck smiles at that and turns toward the hall again. “Thank you, seriously,” she says. Okay, that’s all you need to say, Hyuck, don’t make it weird— “I’m Donghyuck, by the way.” 

Freckly Blonde beams. “I’m Felix! I hope we get the chance to talk again, Donghyuck.” She waves happily. “Good luck with your person.” 

Donghyuck sets off for the stairs with a renewed sense of optimism.

✿

She barely has to search at all. 

There’s a group of people coming down the stairs leading to the third floor, talking and laughing with each other, and Donghyuck spies Jaemin among them. They lock eyes, and Donghyuck can’t read her expression, but she feels a bit of relief anyway. 

Jaemin turns her head, watching the rest of the group make their way toward the set of stairs on the other side of the hall. She waves and smiles at them, calling her goodbyes to a couple, and then turns back. 

Donghyuck’s breath hitches as Jaemin stalks closer in the now empty hallway. 

“Heard you were looking for me, Lee,” she says softly, eyes never leaving Donghyuck’s. 

It makes her heart pound, and she knows why now; she hates it. Donghyuck swallows as Jaemin stops directly in front of her. The taller girl tilts her chin down towards Donghyuck’s face and cocks her head. 

Jaemin’s words finally register. “How did you know…” 

Donghyuck trails off as Jaemin holds her phone up in one hand, messaging app open. Donghyuck connects the dots: Jeno must have texted her while she was busy running around the halls. 

She frowns up at Jaemin and nods. “Yea, I was. We need to talk.” 

Jaemin stays silent, face as blank as when she entered. It’s awful—Donghyuck _hates_ not having her footing around Jaemin Na of all people, hates not knowing what to say. This shouldn’t be so hard but when has Jaemin ever made anything easy on her? 

She clears her throat. “I want to apologize...for what I said to you. There was a misunderstanding, I think.” Donghyuck doesn’t even blame Jaemin for the noise she makes, somewhere between a snort and a scoff. “I didn’t realize that you didn’t know why we stopped talking. I thought...you avoiding me freshman year was intentional.” 

Jaemin’s brow furrows at that, hurt clear in her eyes. “You mean you avoiding _me_ , right? I’d never ignore you on purpose, you were my best friend. You stopped answering my calls and texts, and I didn’t—” Jaemin stops and lets out a frustrated sigh, running her fingers through her hair. 

It’s down for once, unstyled, and Donghyuck can’t help but think that she looks nice like this. Casual, unguarded, almost vulnerable. _Pretty_. 

“Donghyuck, why are you really here?” 

She inhales sharply. Why is she here? A few answers race through her mind at once: _to apologize_ , she doesn’t say. _To convince you not to hate me,_ she almost says. _To tell you the truth, that I’ve always been in_ — “I was wrong. I’m being accountable.” 

Jaemin’s expression shutters again, becoming unreadable. She stands back up straight, and Donghyuck’s chest tightens. “Right,” Jaemin mutters. “Well, if that’s all you needed, then I’ll be going. 

No, no, no, Donghyuck can’t let this happen again. 

Donghyuck catches her arm as she turns, hands and voice shaking. “Jaemin, wait. Fuck, will you let me talk for once? Please, I need to get this out.” She searches Jaemin’s eyes for a second. Still blank. _Inhale, exhale._ “I thought you knew, and you were trying to get back at me through Yukhei, by letting her lead me on, or...Look, I know it sounds so stupid, okay?” She shrugs feebly. “I just thought you hated me.”

Jaemin rolls her eyes, scowling and turning back around to face Donghyuck. “No, I was just being nice because I knew you liked her. I didn’t even know she was taken.” Her scowl deepens. “I really did just need chemistry help, I wasn’t hatching whatever plot you think I was. You were the one who started this whole ‘rivalry’ thing, Donghyuck. _You_ landed us both in detention that day, remember?” 

Of course Donghyuck remembers. Looking back on it made her feel ashamed, the whole thing sort of ridiculous now. 

It was like any other day, Jaemin whispering and laughing about god knows what with her friends for the entire class as Donghyuck stumbled and stuttered through her government presentation, nervous about speaking in front of a group as always. Her brain had connected the whispering to _her,_ automatically assuming the worst, and after weeks of icily ignoring each other, Donghyuck had snapped. She just started hurling insults at Jaemin just for the other girl to throw back some of her own. 

They’d both ended up in detention for the next week, friendship officially over and nemesis-ship officially begun.

She’d been furious at the time and embarrassed to boot. More than anything, though, she’d felt breathless. Finally having Jaemin’s eyes on her after so long, blazing and angry as they were, had been exhilarating in its own, terrible way. 

It still is. 

“You fought back!” Donghyuck says sharply. “You _always_ fought back, how was I supposed to know?”

“I only fought with you because you wouldn’t fucking talk to me otherwise!” Jaemin huffs, her mask of indifference finally cracking. “You wouldn’t even look at me unless you were angry and I _missed_ you. I missed my best friend, okay? I still—” Jaemin stops herself short and snaps her jaw shut. 

Donghyuck’s heart starts to ache a bit, something awful like hope rearing its head. “You still?” she prompts, searching Jaemin’s face. 

Jaemin shifts uncomfortably, playing with the ends of her hair like she doesn’t even notice she’s doing it. “I’ve never hated you, okay? I know I wasn’t great at being your friend when I had the chance but I just wanted you back. And since I couldn’t have that, I tried a different approach.” 

“So instead of telling me that, you resorted to—what, pulling my pigtails? What are we, in third grade?” Donghyuck feels an urge to laugh, but the atmosphere around them feels too fragile for anything more than hushed talking. 

Jaemin snorts quietly, “I’m not taking ‘direct communication’ advice from you, of all people.” She gives Donghyuck a look, and she winces. Yea, that’s fair. “Though you could say that. Pulling your pigtails is probably the most accurate phrase to use, for a couple of reasons.” Jaemin is...blushing. The ache in Donghyuck’s heart only increases at the sight. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” She sticks her hands in her jacket pockets. Jaemin mirrors her, sticking her hands in the front pockets of her jeans. 

“Look, I may not have been entirely honest about why I wanted your help with chemistry,” Jaemin says. She’s fidgeting, not making eye contact, and her face is still flushed red. She takes a deep breath and Donghyuck is so confused.

“Jaem, you’re not making any sense.” Why chemistry again, all of a sudden? Here Donghyuck is, trying to make amends, and Jaemin is bringing up their tutoring sessions. She flashes back to them as well, reminded once again how hard it is to keep Jaemin on track and focused. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’m just...okay, look.” Jaemin fixes her eyes on Donghyuck again. It’s sort of unnerving, the determined look on her face. “I could’ve had anyone I wanted to tutor me, right? The school offers tutoring like, officially. But I chose you instead, Hyuck. Even though you thought I hated you. Do you really not get why?”

Donghyuck’s heart starts beating wildly again—it’s probably going to beat out of her chest at this point. “To be friends again, or something?” The tiny voice in the back of her head has turned into a tiny alarm bell and is slowly getting louder. 

Jaemin places her face in the palm of her hand and sighs, “Jesus Christ, you’re so dense.” Which, okay, _rude_. Jaemin’s face is beet red at this point, but she won’t break eye contact with Donghyuck. “I can’t believe you’re making me spell this out. I’m trying to tell you I like you, Hyuck. Like, romantic feelings wise. I wanna _date_ you, and I asked you to tutor me so we could get close again.” 

Everything stops. Donghyuck’s heart, her ability to breathe, the entire fucking _world_ , all comes to a stop. Except for the tiny alarm bell in her head, that just keeps getting louder until it’s all she can hear. What the hell. 

Jaemin likes her? Jaemin actually likes her, which means she’s the girl Jeno was talking about. Well, probably. Is she being presumptuous? Is that not the right conclusion here? Have her limbs gone numb? She can’t get herself to move. 

“What?”

She watches as Jaemin squirms uncomfortably. “Please don’t make me repeat myself, Hyuckie.” She’s playing with her hair again, and Donghyuck wants nothing more than to grab her hand and hold it. 

Donghyuck frowns at her. Is she serious? Is Jaemin absolutely bullshitting her right now?

“Jaemin, are you kidding me?” she demands. Jaemin’s face falls, looking stricken, and Donghyuck hurries to continue, “I was coming here to fucking confess to _you_.” Which isn’t totally true, but the fact is that she might have—which is basically the same thing.

She wishes she could stop time, or take a snapshot, because Jaemin’s face is priceless. Perfect for the photobook she’s mentally making for the two of them right now. 

“You what?” Jaemin asks, voice shaking. 

And Donghyuck can’t help but grin, wide and bright; it takes everything in her not to just pull Jaemin into a kiss and walk off into the sunset because holy shit. Jaemin likes her back, something she never thought possible in a million years. (She knows she only figured out her feelings for Jaemin earlier that day, but she thinks she’s allowed to be a bit ridiculous about it despite that.)

“Wait, wait,” Jaemin says, still not processing. Which, come on, they have a lot of time to make up for. Could she hurry up with the dramatics so they could hold hands or something? “You like me? Since when?” Something seems to occur to her and she sends Donghyuck a wild look. “What the fuck did you and Jeno talk about?” 

“She told me we kissed. Made out, actually,” Donghyuck says smugly, still beaming. Jaemin blanches, looking guilty, and Donghyuck’s gaze softens the slightest bit. 

Her cheeks are starting to hurt, but it’s totally worth it for the look Jaemin gives her: a little bit reverent, like she can’t help but stare. Donghyuck can’t believe she’s never noticed that look before, considering Jaemin gives it to her all the time. 

Donghyuck thinks for a second, and blurts out, “Did you like me then? When we—when that happened?”

Her smile dims, worry clouding her brain. She doesn’t actually know the extent of Jaemin’s feelings, despite what she said about asking Donghyuck to tutor her in chemistry. Plus, with what Jeno said, Jaemin could be deeply in love with some other girl and using her apparent attraction to Donghyuck to move on, and—

“Hyuck.” Jaemin shrugs, looking at her a bit helplessly. “I’ve been in love with you for years.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. “Like, before we stopped being friends, even. I think I’ve always been in love with you.”

Donghyuck lets out a weak, “oh,” and swears she can feel her soul leaving her body. Okay, that’s...not at all what she expected. Jaemin loves her. Like, _really_ loves her, and has for as long as Donghyuck has loved her back, and oh, god. They’re so fucking stupid. “Same,” she manages to croak out. “I didn’t know, um. Until today, I mean. But it’s been that long for me, too. You’ve always been like, _it_ , for me.”

Jaemin laughs a little incredulously. “So you kissed me without knowing how you felt?” She brushes her hair back, frowning. “You didn’t even remember the next day, and I thought—I just figured it was a drunken mistake. Was it?” 

She steps closer, and Donghyuck can’t read the emotions on her face. Jaemin’s eyes are dark and focused. Her face is still a bit flushed and Donghyuck’s hand twitches, feeling the urge to place her fingers on Jaemin’s cheek. 

Her question finally registers and Donghyuck shakes her head. “It wasn’t,” she insists, because it’s true and Jaemin needs to know that. “I was drunk, but I wouldn’t have—it wasn’t…” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, looking down at Jaemin’s hand where it’s playing with the hem of her shirt. “I wouldn’t have done it if it was anyone else.” 

Which is so, so embarrassing to admit to Jaemin: the fact that Donghyuck has never kissed anyone else, but it took Jaemin being within five feet of her, inhibitions removed, for her to stick her tongue down her throat. It’s embarrassing because even though she doesn’t remember it, it’s not like she tried to kiss anyone else. 

It’s not like she’s ever thought about kissing anyone else. 

Except for Yukhei, but even that wasn’t as strong an urge as it had been—as it still _is_ —with Jaemin. Yukhei is wonderful, and friendly, and beautiful, and Donghyuck would love to be friends with her. But looking back, she realizes that all she ever really felt for Yukhei was some sort of puppy love. Some infatuation or admiration, not...this.

Not the way her stomach fills with butterflies when she meets Jaemin’s eyes again, or the urge she has to tuck Jaemin into her side and never let go. Not the ache she feels in her chest when she thinks of a life without Jaemin next to her. She never once felt like this with Yukhei, and that should be scarier than it is. 

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin whispers, moving closer. Donghyuck’s heart really is going to beat right out of her chest, at this rate. It’ll plop down onto the floor of the hall, babumping itself all the way down the stairs and out of the school and— “Can I kiss you?” 

_Inhale, exhale._ Why is Donghyuck so nervous? They’ve already done this. Why does she feel like she’s going to fall apart as soon as Jaemin touches her? She feels so fragile, like all of her nerve endings are exposed. Jaemin hasn’t stopped looking at her. 

She hopes Jaemin never stops looking at her. 

Donghyuck nods a little jerkily, and Jaemin takes one last step. She slides her fingers across Donghyuck’s cheek and into her hair, grasping the back of her head gently. Donghyuck can barely breathe and thinks at the last second to slip her eyes shut. Jaemin tugs her closer using the hand in her hair and their lips slot together. 

Oh. _Oh_. 

Donghyuck might not remember that night, but she doesn’t think she’ll ever forget this: the way Jaemin holds her so gently, like she’s something precious that she never wants to let go of; the way Jaemin’s shirt feels in her grip, soft material that she only squeezes harder when Jaemin licks across her bottom lip and the kiss deepens; the way Jaemin smells like vanilla and spices and something totally unique to her—Donghyuck thinks she could live in that scent. 

They pull back for a second, catching their breath. Donghyuck can’t help but smile into Jaemin’s mouth as they dive back in, and Jaemin huffs out a laugh, pulling back further and looking into her eyes. 

“So what was that about you being in love with me?” Jaemin says, smirking. She sounds as self-assured as always, but Donghyuck can see the hesitation in her face as her eyes dart back and forth between Donghyuck’s. 

Donghyuck smiles again and takes Jaemin’s hand between both of hers. 

“For years,” she says, and watches Jaemin’s face soften into something she can’t name, but wants to learn. “Do you wanna get outta here?”

Jaemin’s eyes widen with faux shock. She places her free hand on her chest, gasping. “Oh, wow, this soon? Are you sure? I didn’t take you for the _type_ , Lee—”

“Or I could leave you here and go home.” 

Jaemin cackles and slings an arm around Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Nah, let’s go,” she says, pulling her keys out from her back pocket. “We’ve got a lot to discuss, babe.” 

Donghyuck flushes, the pet name making her feel warm and mushy inside. Fuck, gross. She ducks her head, not letting Jaemin see, and they make their way out of the hall.

✿

“Jaemin, I swear to god if you play this song one more fucking time—”

“Sorry, Hyuckie! My car, my rules. Should’ve driven yourself if you wanted free reign!”

“Seriously, I’m begging you. You know I hate this song—”

”I love you, baaaaby! And if it’s quite alright, I need you, baaaby!”

✿

Donghyuck checks her phone a few hours later where she’s lounging on Jaemin’s bed, hair being played with, and finds several missed messages. She unlocks her phone and winces when she reads them.

> From: Boss Baby ♡  
>  _so i texted dohee...you fuckin liar  
>  idk where u are but it’s definitely not home_
> 
> _you owe me an explanation whenever you get this!!! text me back!!!_
> 
> _...i’m not mad, just worried. lmk you got home safe, ok?_

“Shit,” Donghyuck says, sitting up. Jaemin scoots back against the wall next to her bed, giving Donghyuck a worried look. “Renjun texted me. She sounds upset.”

“Do you wanna step outside and call her?” Jaemin asks, rubbing a hand up and down Donghyuck’s back. “I know she doesn’t really like me, so if you don’t feel comfortable telling her you’re here—”

Donghyuck shoots her a look. “I’m not gonna hide you from my best friend. She’s gonna have to know eventually that we’re…” She realizes that she doesn’t actually know how to end that sentence. They haven’t defined whatever this is, if it _is_ anything at all. “That we’re uh. Dating?” Like a bandaid. 

Jaemin gives her a soft smile. “Are you asking me if we’re dating?” She sounds amused. “I think we are, and I’ll be happy to tell Renjun that to her face if you’d like.” 

She rolls her eyes. “No, you don’t have to...actually that’s not a bad idea,” she says, lightbulb popping above her head again. “How do you feel about Facetime?” 

Jaemin laughs brightly, sitting up next to her and taking Donghyuck’s phone from her hand. “What, being in front of a camera? I like to think I’m a pro.”

✿

“Psst. Babe.” 

Donghyuck sighs, rubbing her temples. Her world history essay swims on the screen in front of her, and she tries to use her best long-suffering voice. “Not now, Jaem, I’m working. Just like you should be doing, right?”

“But baaaabe,” Jaemin whines from her bed, “there are _much_ better things we could be doing with our time, don’t you agree?” Donghyuck can almost hear the stupid smirk on her face. 

She whirls around in her seat at Jaemin’s desk to glare the other girl down. “You promised we would study, Jaemin, not fool around.” Donghyuck gives her a look. “It doesn’t look like you’re studying.” 

Jaemin lounges on her bed, algebra book long abandoned and phone in hand. Her hair looks soft where it’s splayed out on the pillow behind her. She pats the spot next to her on the bed and Donghyuck braces herself for whatever is about to come out of her mouth. “You could come over here instead and I could study your lips,” Jaemin says, wiggling her eyebrows.

Donghyuck groans out loud, making a disgusted face and resisting the urge to laugh. “I think that’s the worst line you’ve ever given me, Jaem. I know you can do better than that, come _on_.” 

“Hey, as long as it works, does it really matter?” 

“It absolutely did not work.”

Jaemin laughs, sitting up and smiling at her. “Fine, fine. Ten more minutes and then you’re mine.” She sends Donghyuck a wink and goes back to reading, looking like the perfect picture of concentration. Donghyuck doesn’t know how she manages to do it. 

Donghyuck rolls her eyes, trying to will the blush off her face, and turns back around in her chair. She sends a silent thanks to her earlier forethought of separating herself from Jaemin so they could hopefully get some work done. Donghyuck ignores—she tries at least, she really does—the squirmy feeling in her stomach and the urge to abandon her stupid essay and go makeout with her girlfriend. 

Her _girlfriend_ —even just saying the word to herself makes her feel giddy and stupid. Making up with Jaemin, all their misunderstandings coming to light and being talked out, had led to the two of them being...kind of inseparable. 

Which isn’t new for the two of them, it’s just...been a while, and it was never this intense when they were kids, the whole dating thing making being apart from each other even more unbearable. God they’re one of _those_ couples already, aren’t they?

It still makes Donghyuck laugh to think about the first time her and Jaemin’s groups had officially collided, for lack of a better word, all sitting together for the first time at lunch a few days after the two of them had gotten their shit together. 

Renjun had tried, however thinly, to conceal her disgust, which Donghyuck appreciated. She would like all of them to get closer and isn’t above forcing it to happen, but she knows her friends and knows that Renjun will need time. Not everyone could be secretly in love with Jaemin and immediately fall for her charms. 

God. She’s never telling that to Jaemin’s face. Ever.

The lunch hour had gone better than expected, regardless. 

(“Babe!” 

Donghyuck looked up, a helpless little smile already making its way onto her face. She watched as Jaemin made her way to their lunch table, weaving in between people and tables, a delighted looking Jeno in tow. It took Donghyuck a second to notice the third girl behind them, and she let out a little noise in surprise. 

One of the girls she’d sort of met at Hyunjin’s party, Shimmery Blonde, followed Jaemin and Jeno towards them. Her hair was up in space buns this time, rainbow barrettes scattered throughout. Her skin still sparkled, inexplicably, and she had a bright smile plastered on her face, almost visibly bouncing with excitement. 

“Hey guys,” Jeno said, waving to everyone. Renjun pointedly ignored her as Mark jumped up to give her a fist bump. “This is Chenle,” Jeno added, pointing to Shimmery Blonde behind her. “She’s on the student council with us and is basically my little sister.” 

Jaemin looked at the two fondly, and Donghyuck’s heart clenched a bit watching her. This is why she’d wanted them all to meet. Renjun, Mark, and Jisung were like family to Donghyuck, and she’d wanted to get to know the people that were like that for Jaemin. God, now was not the time to get sappy.

Chenle waved excitedly, unable to keep still for even a moment. “Hi, every—oh, Jisung Park!” Chenle’s smile somehow widened as her eyes landed on Jisung, who was trying to shrink into herself at the end of the table. “Fancy seeing you around here!” Her eyes positively twinkled and Donghyuck found herself wondering yet again if this girl was even human. 

“Yea, I. Hi, uh,” Jisung stuttered, face rapidly reddening. _Interesting,_ Donghyuck thought, meeting eyes with Renjun across the table. Renjun was trying (sort of) to hold back her laughter. Donghyuck knew—really only by the name—that Chenle and Jisung knew each other, but hadn’t known Jisung would be this much of a mess around the other girl. 

Chenle only chuckled, making her way to the seat across from Jisung and jumping animatedly into some story about something or another. Jisung hadn’t stopped blushing, playing with her hands as she watched Chenle speak. Donghyuck would definitely be bringing this up the next time they were alone. 

Jaemin sat down next to Donghyuck, pulling her focus away from the scene of disaster. “Hey, love,” she said quietly, a soft smile on her face. “Missed you.” 

And like, God. From anyone else, that would sound so annoying. She would fake gag and push their shoulder away from hers. That’s what she should do when Jaemin says it, because they had literally seen each other before school, and the night before on facetime, and had been talking in their classes to each other via text the whole week, but. It made something warm curl up in her stomach anyway, and she smiled helplessly all while rolling her eyes. She told Jaemin, “missed you too,” and meant it. 

“For fuck’s sake, can we please leave the flirting at the lunch table to a minimum,” Renjun said irritably. 

When Donghyuck looked back at her, ready to argue, Renjun wasn’t even looking in her direction. Instead she was eyeing Jeno, who had chosen to sit across the table from her and next to Mark. The two of them were engrossed in conversation and hadn’t even heard her comment. 

Donghyuck suddenly felt guilty, as she always did whenever she’d kept anything from Renjun. She guessed now would be the time to share the important info she’d been given. “Hey Jeno, why don’t you bring Yangyang along next time you guys sit here?” she called, cutting off Jeno and Mark’s conversation. “I think everyone would love to meet her.”

Jeno visibly brightened, nodding. “Forreal? Yes, oh my god, she’d love you guys.”

Renjun squinted at Donghyuck with some strong emotion Donghyuck couldn’t categorize. “Does anyone else get a say on who invades the table, or what? Who the hell is Yangyang?”

“She’s my girlfriend!” Jeno said, and god. If Donghyuck had her phone out, she’d have been recording the two, because the look on Renjun’s face was one for the books. 

Renjun opened and closed her mouth for a few seconds, looking for all the world like a particularly embarrassed goldfish. Then her face crumpled, and she dropped her head into her hands. “Oh my god, Jeno, I owe you such an apology.”

Jeno tilted her head like a puppy. “What for?”

Renjun peeked her eyes through her hands. She met eyes with Mark and let out a distressed noise. “This is so embarrassing, and like—please know I had no reason to think this, when it comes down to it, I just,” she looked at Donghyuck for help. Donghyuck raised an eyebrow in response, knowing what she meant but needing her to say it herself. “I thought you were trying to move in on Mark?”

Jeno frowned, brows furrowed. She looked appalled, like she had never considered the idea. She looked at Mark, then back at Renjun, who looked nervous. Suddenly she started laughing. “Oh my god,” she wheezed. “No, no, no. Never. I mean, okay, I had a crush on Mark in like freshman year when we met, but who didn’t? I met Yangyang about two months later though.” 

Renjun kept apologizing, despite Jeno’s assurances that everything was fine. Mark roared with laughter once she understood the situation, telling Renjun,” I can’t believe you thought she was trying to get with me, she’s my bro?” and it only causes Renjun to apologize more loudly. 

Donghyuck heard laughter next to her, and Jaemin’s hand found hers under the table. She felt at home.)

Donghyuck feels a wave of fondness come over her. She can’t believe how long she’d let herself believe she hated Jaemin, especially since she’d been her best friend in the entire world before that. 

Insecurity plus a fear that the other would hate her for the feelings she’d kept locked in her chest had kept the two of them from being together, which she would never forgive herself for. She frowns, feeling tears prick in the corners of her eyes, which _god_ , what’s wrong with her? Feelings are so _stupid_. 

She makes a tiny noise and reaches out a hand for Jaemin, who climbs off the bed and over to her immediately. 

“Hyuckie, you okay? What’s going on—oh!”

Jaemin breaks off when Donghyuck’s arms find their way around her middle, face pressed against her chest. She takes big breaths, letting herself be comforted by the fact that Jaemin is here, with her, and isn’t going anywhere. 

“I’m okay, I just. I love you, y’know?” Donghyuck says, not looking up at her, and she can almost hear the thousand watt smile Jaemin has on her face. “Do not say something cheesy, I can feel you gearing up to.”

“I would never!” Jaemin refutes, affronted. “It’s like you don’t even know me at all, babe, I’ve never been cheesy in my life.”

And Donghyuck really can’t help it this time. She pulls back from Jaemin, grabbing her by the front of her shirt and pulling her towards herself. Donghyuck finds her lips with her own, closing her eyes. The kiss doesn’t last long, with Jaemin smiling giddily into it and Donghyuck following suit, but god, if it isn’t perfect anyway. 

“So...I guess we’ve finished studying?”

“Please just shut up and keep kissing me before I find something better to do.”

“ _Rude!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thaaaat's a wrap! i am thinking i might want to do a small college sequel with established nahyuck (and perhaps....some other ships hehe) but nothing is concrete haha  
> again, pls leave a comment and lmk what u think!! it would make my entire week <33 
> 
> also if u feel like yelling at me (or with me) my twitter is [leleluvclub](https://twitter.com/leleluvclub) and my cc is [starryeyedkth](https://curiouscat.me/starryeyedkth) ! xx thanks for reading!!


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